Breakups are tough on everyone but that doesn't mean you'll never find love again.
Ah, the broken heart. Most of us have had one at some point in our lives. I have had a few myself. As a matter of fact, I am surprised my heart still works. Somehow we do survive, no matter how ugly it can get. We get up each day and face it and know that the pain will dull and the anger will recede. We will live to love another day.
So, let's talk about how to get ready to really find love again. You may even learn to love more than you knew possible! Read on for five tips on moving forward in your love life.
1. Forgive Yourself
You may be wondering why you must forgive yourself since you were the one that was wronged. But what did you do to allow it? Unless you were abducted (it does happen, sorry, but it is rare) and forced into the relationship, you were allowing it. It takes two to start a relationship. It also takes two to destroy it. Look at it. HARD. If your partner ignored you, you were not asking to be seen. If they were cheating, what was missing between you? If the other was just rotten, then you picked them.
Forgive yourself for whatever part you played in the relationship. Forgive yourself for whatever part you did not play. Forgive yourself for getting into the relationship. These are all very important things to forgive. Whatever you need to forgive yourself for, do it. You do not want to carry that baggage to the next relationship because you will somehow repeat it. Even if it shows up differently and I know it will since i have experienced this in my life.
2. Forgive Your Ex
Forgiving your ex can be hard to do but it is also very important. Start with what you learned. "What I do not want" is not a real answer and you should harder about it. You may have learned that it is unacceptable for you to not be respected. You may have learned that you can't allow your next relationship to revolve around someone else. You need to be just as important in the relationship. You may have learned that you need a physically affectionate partner. You may have learned that you do not want a partner that is into PDA because it makes you very uncomfortable and you feel judged. You may have learned that you need verbal reassurance. There are many things to learn from a failed relationship. Whatever you have learned about yourself, be grateful for it.
I will give you a personal example. In my former marriage, one of the things I learned was that I was allowing others to decide things for me. Yes, I wrote that. I let other people decide things for ME. And, yes, I have always been very opinionated and kind of bossy, so I was checked out. I sat back and let other people take over for quite a few years. Then when I woke up, I was shocked at what I had found myself doing. But it was me who allowed it to happen. They did not force me. I am so grateful that I learned to appreciate myself by seeing how I had allowed myself to disappear. It was a very sad and painful experience to look at but I did and so it will never happen again. I forgave myself and everyone else and I have let it all go. This is what forgiveness can do for you.
3. Love Yourself
Who loves you best? I hope it is you! If not, let's work on that. First you should celebrate you! What do you love about yourself? Do you love the way you say certain words? Do you love your sense of humor? Do you love when you make yourself laugh? Do you love your baby toe, which is just perfectly formed and gorgeous? List it all and love it all. List physical qualities, emotional qualities and mental qualities that you like about yourself.
You are your best fan so start a fan club for yourself. Spoil yourself a bit each day. I am not talking about eating something you will regret later. I am talking about really doing something for you that makes you happy without regrets. Like getting a pedicure, reading a book you have wanted to read, or creating something new you have been thinking about. I am writing this article right now instead of doing dishes! I am spoiling myself and so should you!
4. Learn Your Core Values
We all have core values that we live by each day. We often do not know exactly what truly upsets us past the surface. If something really upsets you, it is probably because you have a core value being stepped on. Complete this sentence as many times as possible to start uncovering a few of your core values — I do not like it when _______. Make it as long or short as you need to.
For example, I do not like it when I say "hello" to someone and they do not say it back. This would be my need for acknowledgement. Once I recognize this and I notice that there are certain people who do not give that acknowledgement, I have options to consider.
- I can avoid them. This is not the best idea, because then you start living your life around what you do not like.
- I can accept that they do not give the acknowledgement. Then either decide to stop giving one or just continue on if it does not bother me to do so because I decided to do it.
- I can tell them that I would like the acknowledgement. Then, I am realizing what I need and getting it or at least asking for it. That is as much as I can do. Giving it back is up to them, but once I have done my part, I can let it go.
This is the power of core values. Once you uncover them, you can use them to strengthen yourself and your interactions on all levels. Learn what your core values are so you know when they are being stepped on.
5. Allow Yourself The Time
Allow yourself whatever time you need to heal. Allow yourself to let go of all of the things that no longer work for you in a relationship. Allow yourself to move on. Allow yourself to know that you do deserve happiness and goodness. Because you do.
As an old flame once said to me "there is someone out there for everyone". He is right because there is. So if you're feeling in a rut, make a committment to yourself that you will get over the heartbreak. Once you start the work on repairing yourself, you will find there are a lot of opportunities out there for you. You just have to be proactive and get out there and start loving!
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