He Did What?!!

He Did What?!!

He Did What?!!

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5 things men (and some women) do knowingly or unknowingly that can cause serious relationship issues

We all have our idosyncricies and share of odd behaviors.  I know there are many things that women do which aggravate men to no end.  Well, it goes the other way too.  Here are few examples of things that may get you kicked out of your love shack or put in the dog house at some point without a warning. 

First, let me explain a few things about women.  We are communicators.  We are the glue that holds families, countries, communities together, by talking about any and everything.  This communication allows us to connect and create larger families, i.e. communities.  I am not saying that ALL women do this, nor am I saying that NO men do this.  These points can probably be used by both, but I have noticed them more often in men. This is a sociological generalization I am using for the sake of making my points in this article. 

Back to the cave. (OMG - seriously, does every article go back to cave (wo)man days? Haven't we evolved past that? No. Sorry. Not so much.) Women, the gatherers, stayed near the cave, picking the berries and other things, birthing children, working together. This was also social.  They would work together to raise children, and learn from one another. They could talk while gathering, and create bonds for themselves and the children. 

Men, since cave days, have only needed to strategize, then hunt.  Let’s talk about a plan, then silently go and kill the food.  They stalk, watch, wait and kill.  They had to be silent, and it did not matter how they felt about killing or anything else.  It was survival.
We have evolved past those days.  Right?

5. Not returning a text, call or email.
“I was busy” is a common answer to this new age dilemma. Ah.  Guess what?  We are all busy in this age of continuous sensory bombardment and one-upping. 

“What is so awful about being too busy?’” he asks.

Men are single minded creatures who create a plan and execute it.  While executing the plan, they can be very single minded.  Did I mention that many men can be single minded when tasking?  (This is not a bad thng, so do not get upset.  It allows for great follow - through.)

As I stated earlier, women are communicators.  Texts, phone calls, emails, FaceTime are all ways to check in and connect when you are unable to really connect in person.  When you receive these tokens of wanting to connect from women (or partners) and do not respond, it sends a message you may not intend.  It can become become a multitude of different ideas in her head.  Here are a few of them, choose which one you think may fit your relationship and then try asking her if you are right:

  • I am low on the list of who he wants to talk to
  • He is avoiding me because he knows I am upset
  • He is does not care how I feel when I miss him
  • He thinks I am too high maintenance
  • He really is busy, but can’t he just tell me that?
  • He acts like he is the only one with anything to do, I am busy too and he can’t just send me a quick text/note?!
  • I am more invested in this relationship then he is
  • He wants to control when we talk
  • He does not miss me....
  • Add your own here.

As with all things, repetition is the first law of learning.  If you repeatedly do not return her calls, emails, etc., she will be learning that you do not wish to communicate with her.  This can have very long term effects on the relationship.  Who would want to be in a relationship in which communication is not reciprocated and felt to be appreciated? 

What can you do? 

Talk to her about about it. If you are truly that busy, but the relationship matters to you, come up with an alternative.  Talk to her about  a signal you can send when you are swamped, but want her to know you have her in your thoughts too. It can be a smile or a heart emoticon.  Make it easy.  Just let her know.

There may be certain times when you really can't get back to her.  Tell her those times. If you do not like to be interrupted while in the middle of something, let her know.  Again, be clear and come up with a small thing you can do to let her know she is in the back of your mind. Otherwise you may never know what the non communication is doing to your relationship until it is too late.  She may stop trying.

4. Surprise visits

“Hey!  Great news!  My Mom is coming to stay with us for the weekend; tomorrow!”  Says the unsuspecting male.

Yippee!

If you do not live together, this can be an issue.  If you live together, it is a HUGE problem. 

Remember how women create the families and hold them together, etc?  Well, if you invite another woman to your home on short notice without consulting the woman of the house, this is a big deal to her.  That house is her house.  It is vital to ask her about what works for her regarding guests.  Men or women.  But your Mom is especially stressful for most women.

If you have the more traditional roles in your home, she will feel she has to “entertain” anyone who comes along to stay.  This is no small task, depending on the level of her “entertaining OCD” (not a real disease, to my knowledge, but I have diagnosed myself with it).  Fresh linens, dinner reservations or freshly made food, groceries stocked, clean home.  Complete sanitation of bathroom, including under the toilet seat, which men often use, but rarely clean.… Tickets to shows, tourist activities and so on.  And if she had plans at all, she will have to either include guest(s) or cancel.  

If you have kids and are not available to help, have told her at the last minute, and she also works all day and the house

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