In one ear and (not) out the other.
As women, we KNOW how hard it is to get our men to understand us. We talk to them and then we get the stare. You know, the one that looks like we just spoke a foreign language? Or we get the totally off topic, potentially offensive response that sets off an day-ruining argument.
So how do you get him to listen? Here are 10 tips you can use to get your man to hear you (because you ARE talking):
1. Don't try to talk to him whie he's busy.
Don't talk to him when he's playing his video game, watching TV or doing some other extra-curricular activity. You'll be wasting your words because he is NOT listening.
2. Don't interrupt him.
Don't demand he stop doing whatever he is doing to listen to you. He'll just wait for you to finish talking so he can get back what he was doing before you interrupted. So, he's not paying attention to you.
3. Don't yell.
Don't yell at him to listen to you before you talk to him. He'll think you're about to complain about something he should have done (or didn't do) and has already tuned you out. Once you're out, you're out for good.
Make the conversation one that he wants to be part of (and like!). To do this, smile and hold his hands. Sit on the couch and tell him that you miss him and you want to talk to him for a while.
5. Ask him if he understands.
As you're talking, if you start to get the I'm-not-really-listening stare, stop and ask, "Are you following me?" If it doesn't seem like he is, go back and explain it better. Remember, he's a guy and he and his friends don't chat like us girls do.
6. Encourage him to ask questions.
If he doesn't understand something, ask him, "What part doesn't make sense?" Tell him that you want to make sure he understands what you are talking about because you value his input on the topic. He will appreciate that you care so much about what he thinks!
7. Tell him what YOU want to hear.
Men don't naturally understand what you want from them to make you feel better—you have to tell them. And, trust me, they WANT to know. So, if your guy says, "Wow! That dress makes your butt look HUGE!" Correct him by saying something like, "Is that a good thing? If it is, you might want to say something like, 'Wow! You really look beautiful in that dress tonight.'"
8. Tell him what you want from the relationship.
Just like telling him what you want to hear, tell your man what you want from the relationship. Do you want poems? Tell him you want poems. OK, so it's not as romantic that way, but it works. And if you think about it, he has to choose a poem that makes him think of you, and THAT is romantic.
9. Don't talk to him when he's upset.
If he's upset about something, don't try to start a conversation with him. He's already on another planet, and isn't going to be able to take in or understand anything you're saying. Wait until he cools down before you discuss anything with him.
10. Praise him. (Really.)
As you try to get him to understand you more, praise him. The more you praise him, the more he will want to understand you. You'll start to see how his eyes light up when you bring up the idea of talking about something or—gasp!—his willingness to pause a video game to hear you say something.
Remember: commitment and patience will help your man understand. These tricks don't work overnight. You can't just do them once and expect your man to understand you forever. Just be consistant—it's worth it!
You can conquer the flaws in your relationship and love the person you're with more than you already do. Come by Relationship Repair for more relationship advice from relationship coach, Marcelina Hardy, MSEd.