Can't Hook A Guy? Try Swimming In A Different Dating Pool


Dating Tips: Gay Man's Dating Guide
Trust us: you haven't met EVERY available gay man in your city.
Think there's no one out there for you? Think again.

We gay men love to define ourselves by the circle of people we hang out with. Be them the twinks, otters, bears, gym bunnies, runners, políticos, activists, Latinos, or what have you, we often feel most comfortable when we segregate ourselves into these groups. And once we belong to a defined group, we tend to only socialize within that circle, rarely stepping outside our defined boundaries to interact with people from other circles.

I am just as guilty of this, by the way. Every so often, it becomes strikingly apparent. Case in point: I was recently invited to a party by a friend of mine. When I walked into the room, I quickly scanned to see who else I knew there. And there was no one. Out of probably 150 people in attendance, I didn't know anyone else in the room. As a self-proclaimed socialite, this revelation blew my mind. How was this possible?! Don't I know every gay man in this city!? Apparently not.

This is yet another example of how our perceptions can fool us. I had gotten to the point where I felt I had met everyone and from a dating perspective, feeling like you've exhausted your dating pool can feel downright depressing.

"I know everyone in this city, and I don't want to date any of them ... I'll either need to move to meet new people or be single forever!"

Does this sound familiar? I understand. Yet I challenge you to really explore the truth of this. Have you really met everyone in your area? Have you really exhausted the dating pool? Or could you be sticking to a certain circle of people, and not venturing outside to meet new people?

The exciting thing is that, once you decide to connect with someone from a different circle of people, a whole new world opens up to you. You can meet guys that you never knew lived in your area.  And guess what? One of those guys could potentially be a great boyfriend. So, even when you feel that you've exhausted all the possibilities in your dating pool, know that you probably haven't. Challenge yourself to meet new people from a different social circle. You never know who you'll come across.

More dating tips on YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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Manny Cosme

Relationship Coach

Manny Cosme is in love with Love.  Being a gay man for his entire life, he knows a thing or two about gay relationships, and founded the Gay Love Project as a resource for the challenges that many gay men face in their relationships.  Manny provides personal relationship coaching for clients around the world, and hosts special workshops and webinars on topics pertinent to gay men.  His coaching style infuses techniques borrowed from traditional coaching tools, energetic leadership, astrology, and spiritual metaphysics – providing for powerful, life-changing results.  He is frequently invited to speak and to write about gay relationships.  Manny holds two certifications in life coaching, and is actively pursuing additional certifications in astrology and spiritual metaphysics.  He is an active member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and the Centers for Spiritual Living (CSL).  A native of San Francisco, Manny currently resides in Washington DC.

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Location: Washington, DC
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP
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