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Ms. Independent: Why I Hated Taking My Husband's Name


Getting Married? Are You Sure You Want Your Husband's Name?
Getting married doesn't mean you should take his last name.
It's a part of your identity that doesn't change by saying, "I do."

Then, I asked them whether they would like to hyphenate their last name to have my maiden name also. We were in the car on the way to piano lessons, and it was one of those classic sibling moments when they were both in agreement and just melted into fits of laughter. "What would happen if we married someone who had a hyphenated name?" they giggled. "Would we have four last names?" They then jokingly matched themselves with kids who had a hyphenated name. I took that to mean they were just fine with me changing my name.

Changing my name legally was easy — it was simply the addition of a one line sentence in our divorce decree. The logistics, however, were much harder and more tedious. The sheer number of accounts that had to be changed was overwhelming. Completing the paperwork was time-consuming and then tracking what requests were pending and which ones still needed to be done called for a spreadsheet. Even now, some six years later, there's one account where my married name still pops up on some correspondence. I've given up trying to get it corrected.

More from YourTango: A Dating State Of Mind

Some of my children's friends are unsure how to address me. I know they're trying to be polite and call me "Mrs." and then they use my married name. I guess that's maybe a common problem for women who don't adopt their husband's name. I let it go. I don't want to embarrass them for using the wrong name but all the same it's a name that doesn't fit. It's a name I don't associate with myself.

In contrast, my name, the one that I grew up with, is an integral part of my identity. It's part of me and I won't ever be changing it again.

Mandy Walker is a divorce coach and founder of the popular divorce support blog, Since My Divorce. Download her Visioning Your Life After Divorce workbook free.

More from YourTango: 8 Secrets For Surviving Divorce

Following her own divorce in 2007 and with her background in journalism Mandy began talking to other people about divorce. Mandy has now interviewed over ninety people and it is their stories she shares on her website. Through these intimate conversations Mandy has come to understand that divorce is a deeply-personal and uniquely individual experience. The sharing of these stories allows people facing the end of their marriage to find comfort, strength and understanding and their own path to contentment. Find out if divorce coaching would help you with a free 30-minute New Beginnings coaching session.

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