Women need more than touch for arousal.
The sexual fulfillment of women is one of my favorite topics. There are five factors which are important to understand when discussing women’s sexual fulfillment:
- Sexual anatomy
My book Divine Sexuality goes into great detail on the subject of both women’s and men’s sexuality. This article highlights some of the key points that are essential for women. (I will refer to the vagina as the "yoni" — the Tantric word for the female genitals meaning "sacred place" — and the penis as "lingam" meaning "wand of light.")
1. Don't hide from your orgasms.
Women carry a great deal of misconception around the subject of orgasm. Because of this, women tend to walk around with shame and secret suffering which they may even hide from their lovers. One example of this is that 60 percent of women fake orgasms.
For this sorry state of affairs, there are multiple factors to blame. One factor which has had a great deal of influence is that a large majority of women in Western society didn't even know they were capable of orgasm until the 1900s. It was thought that marriageable women didn't enjoy sex and simply put up with it as a chore in order to please their husbands or to get children.
People believed that only fallen women or prostitutes had pleasure in sex. Therefore, many women carry the ancestral belief that they have no right to pleasure and are meant to have sex to please their partner, never daring to ask for what they want and need.
Because women haven't been aware of their own capacity for pleasure, when the women's rights movement began, the direction many women took was to deny their feminine nature, to copy men and compete to "do it better." Sexually, this has been disastrous.
In our present so-called sexually free society, there's still a great lack of sex education, and yet the internet and other media is full of pornography. Pornography is, for the most part, simply idiotic and gives false impressions to people as to what is "expected" during sex. It tends to psychologically and emotionally damage the impressionable young who are trying to learn about this most vital subject.
2. Don't hold back your pleasure from your man.
Women are keepers of the tides of life, of all life cycles. When we carry a child in the womb, the gestation of this child moves through each aspect of evolution. This means we are the keepers of the whole history of evolution, of all of life. When we aren't carrying a child and are in the cycles of menstruation, each month we go through creation and de-creation.
As the lining of the womb moves out with the menstrual flow, our hormone levels drop and we go through a small death. When a woman isn't aware of her feminine power, inherent in her womb, she simultaneously is in denial of her full potential for ecstasy.
Many women believe that if they go into their full orgasmic potential, it will frighten the man they are with. So they hold back, not wanting to rock the boat. Our full orgasmic potential is intimately connected to how we are with our womb, with our life cycles and with our monthly menstrual cycle.
Deepest ecstasy in orgasm arises when the womb is energetically open. To help support this, learn to breathe and make sounds during sexual arousal. Keep a diary of your cycles and note down how you feel, sexually and emotionally, during the different phases of the moon cycle.
3. Make touching, cuddling and emotional security part of sex.
Of course, women also have highly developed visual, auditory or olfactive senses, but for moving into sexual contact we need to own and be comfortable with our potential for emotional fluidity.
During sexual play, when a woman’s womb opens, she will have a tendency to laugh or cry. This is a signal that her yoni is now open and ready for penetration. It's common that the woman cries as she climaxes, and unfortunately this is often at the very end of the sexual act.
For sex to be more fulfilling, she needs to open up her emotional flow before penetration. This can happen very easily by the partner placing his relaxed hands on her belly and be present with her womb center. Within five or 10 minutes, she will most likely find herself either laughing or crying, and this is a signal that all is flowing.
4. Tap into your chakras to unleash sexual energy.
Chakras are energetic centers in the body, mirroring cosmic principles and supporting each person to become a full spectrum rainbow, merging into white light. Each chakra has a masculine or positive aspect or a female receptive aspect.
In the male and female bodies, the chakras are complimentary opposites. This means that in the same way you experience orgasm at the first chakra, (sex center) you can also experience orgasm at the second chakra (lower belly) or at the third chakra (stomach area), and so on up to the seventh.
The male and female chakras fit together like lock and key, as complimentary opposites. In the male, the first chakra is positive and outgoing, while in the woman, it's receptive. In the second chakra, the belly, the woman is more outgoing, while the male is receptive. In the third chakra, (stomach) the man is outgoing and woman is receptive.
In the heart chakra, the woman is outgoing and the man is receptive. In the throat chakra, the man is outgoing and the woman receptive. In the sixth chakra (center of brain in line with the third eye), the woman is outgoing and the man is receptive. In the seventh chakra, at the crown of the head, male and female merge beyond duality.
Women need to nurture their capacity for unconditional love in the forth chakra (heart center), and she needs to open up and use her intuition, held at the sixth chakra (third eye center). This can be done simply by placing a hand on each place for five to 10 minutes a day to connect and awaken the energy there.
This makes it easier for a woman to be open to her lover in her receptive centers, and he will at last feel that he's being fully received. When we feel disempowered, we don't open to the partner, but rather protect ourselves. When we can open, then we can truly receive and be nourished by our partner and feel fulfilled.
5. Embrace your sexual power.
As the woman is the womb for all of life, she's also the spiritual mother for the world. If she's weak and unaware of her own ecstasy, she will give birth to a world based on a collapsed feminine and an over aggressive masculine, as we see today. This situation can change very rapidly if women everywhere can open up to their own divinity and power.
It has happened at least twice in history that two warring tribes came to almost instantaneous peace when the women of both tribes joined together and refused to have sex with their men until the war was stopped and a peace treaty was agreed. The woman's power is in her capacity to become love and to radiate that love into each and every aspect of life.
This article was originally published at Tantra-Essence. Reprinted with permission from the author.