Not being able to express your sexuality can have dire consequences.
Sexual desire, as we all know, is a natural biological urge, which may or may not lead to masturbation or sexual intercourse, and this may or may not lead to orgasm. The orgasm reflex is an automatic aspect of the nervous system. It's pre-programmed into the human body to need orgasm on a regular basis, the frequency of which depends on the age and health of the person.
For most people, orgasm is extremely pleasurable. It floods the body with pleasure hormones, bringing a sense of euphoria and joy. For a moment, the mind stops, sense of time disappears and we're offered a glimpse of heaven. This state of pure joy is a door offered by nature, allowing us to experience life in wholeness and totality. Often, in these moments of ecstasy, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that life is simply love.
Some people speak of sexual transcendence as being desirable, when it's the biology that decides whether sexual impulses manifest or not. A mind conditioned by certain beliefs may be able to inhibit the sexual response, but cannot control the orgasm reflex.
Even if a person doesn't indulge in sex — either through masturbation or sexual union — they will still have dreams in which sexual fantasy will lead to orgasm. A more dangerous manifestation, which arises through sexual repression, is that of perversion.
A person becomes so tortured by incessant ungratified sexual urges that they become rapists or pedophiles.
And still another aspect of sexuality that's very prevalent in our cyber society, is mentally-driven. Such a person lacks sexual contact and may also lack nurturing human connection. He or she may lack human touch, and can only find a shadow fulfillment through imaginary touch with imagined people as seen on the computer screen.
There's another category of sexuality that's important to understand: emotionally-driven sexuality. This happens when a person has strongly repressed emotions, such as anger, fear or sadness. Emotions are like the weather, which is very changeable. And so it is with our emotions. If emotions are in stagnation, they will seek to be expressed vicariously through other means.
One of the very common ways people have found to release repressed emotions is through sexual activity and orgasm. When people do this, they often will not really enjoy the release. It's more about letting go of stress than a deep experience of ecstasy.
Because the person isn't really fulfilled and the emotional cycle never finds its true release through conscious expression, there's more and more desire for release, and the person goes on interpreting that urge as a need for sex.
This is the climate in which sex addiction is born. In a sense, it's similar to the addiction to junk food. A person goes on eating more and more junk food because such food appears to offer the nourishment needed by the body, but actually robs the body of needed nutrients. And because the person feels undernourished, they seek more and more of the junk food, hoping that by having more they will find the satisfaction they seek. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Now, there's a wonderful book written by a former sex and porn addict, called The Sex God: No Mud No Lotus by Ben Belenus. He finds his way into balanced sexuality through the practice of Tantra with his love partner. Tantra is indeed a masterful way to discover both sexual and spiritual fulfillment.
The door to fulfil;ment is found when we return to our original, spontaneous nature. This can be achieved by unwinding our stresses and emotional repressions back to their origin, which may be painful childhood memories or rigid belief systems. We can then learn to release emotions directly, through a deep, primal scream or pillow beating, or other forms of guided emotional let go.
When we learn emotional fluidity, our sexuality no longer has to function as a conduit for our neurosis. We can then begin to enjoy natural and free flowing sexual pleasure. The body has its own wisdom for sexual expression, and in a balanced person this is connected to love and spirit.
We have only one energy, and this one essence flows through all that we are, body, heart, mind and soul. Sex is a joyous celebration of being alive, in deep communion with another human being and with the whole of creation. Allowing the river of life force energy to flow through us in a multidimensional way brings pleasure, gratitude and bliss to our lives.