Many women think they have sexual dysfunction when actually there is nothing wrong with them. They may have high expectations of how a woman should be during sex, which may have come from highly unrealistic literature or from the erroneous theory of vaginal versus clitoral orgasm (for more on this see Sarita's article on Great Sex for Women).
If a woman is able to orgasm while self-pleasuring there is nothing wrong with her. All the joys of sex can emerge for her, if her feminine nature is allowed to flower.
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There are four common possibilities for female sexual dysfunction:
- Inability to reach orgasm (even while self-pleasuring)
- Inability to orgasm while making love with a man
- Inability to tolerate penetration to the extent that the vagina is completely contracted, so that even insertion of a finger causes intense pain. This condition is called vaginismus.
Inability to orgasm (at all or with a man) is usually rooted in psychological wounding or sexual abuse. It can also be because the women is contracted somewhere in her energy system and needs to open up to allow more life into a particular place (her belly or heart for example). Psychotherapy that allows and facilitates emotional release, hypnosis and holistic healing methods such as Colour Light Therapy and Cranio Sacral Therapy can help dramatically with these issues. You could also try any active meditation (such as Osho Dynamic or Kundalini) or movement meditations such as 5 Rhythms dancing or Shamanic Trancedance.
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Non arousal may be due to poor health, oral contraceptives (which can lower libido) or changes due to ageing. Natural herbal remedies to balance the hormonal system should bring positive results.
Vaginimus may be helped by sex therapy with a partner. First you need to allow your whole body to become more sensitive, by receiving gentle massage or caressing. With the support of a sex therapist, you can follow this slowly, one step at a time introducing a little finger into the opening, gradually increasing the depth of insertion, then a large finger and finally the penis. This process may take weeks, so lots of patience and love is needed.