Your negative stories are causing your struggles. Healing is to become aware that they are not true.
FOUR STEPS FROM STRUGGLE TO FREEDOM, FOR GOOD
Copyright 2014 Marlise Witschi, M.Psych.
Note: I am writing this article addressing ‘you’; this is to make it personal. I am of course aware that this includes me, and all of the human beings.
In the Healing Sessions I have with my clients, we are getting faster and faster to the core of the issue, and to the Key to healing: To recognize that your negative self-beliefs are not true, not real, they are pure phantoms, created when you were a little child. They are like a nightmare that you took for real, all your life. And they are the root cause of your suffering.
Imagine you had nothing to prove, nothing to defend or avoid, no needs to please or be liked, no drive to do things which are not expressing your true nature of joy and love, fulfillment and life. How would that feel?! The more you are healed the freer you become, and the more you feel joyful and light, regardless of what’ s going on. How does that sound to you? Appealing? I guess so. I believe this is the dream of every individual on this planet: to be free and happy.
Here is what one of my clients said after her second session:
It’s almost scary to feel how much space just opened up! I feel like an uncontrollable need to dance, to celebrate life! Before, I just couldn’t live; so much pressure on myself! Especially with new people, it was so scary to not know what they want [from her to please them]. I had so many thoughts that I got paralyzed, so I just got subdued and quiet. I wanted so badly to play, be a part of them and join in, but I couldn’t. I was terrified of what I could say or do that was wrong [and then they’d not like her anymore]. And now I feel very whole and removed of how I had been until just an hour ago. I feel I am part of the whole, everything is funnier and I feel I understand more what’s important to me in my life, what I am here for.
Here I am showing you in a nutshell the whole process of Your Healing Way, in four steps:
STEP 1: WHAT'S YOUR STORY?
What do you tell yourself about your childhood – and go deeper than to say ‘I had a happy childhood’. Your unconscious mind does not believe that. ¬¬We all have some version of a story of how we got abused, mistreated, neglected, unfairly treated; how we were not allowed to do what we loved, we were not supported in our talents; we had to help in the house instead of having a life like a child should have – and many other stories.
Calling it a ‘story’, I don’t mean to discount your experience as a child. To the contrary: in Your Healing Way we recognize that the blockages you are caught up in are related to trapped childhood beliefs and their accompanying emotions. I say ‘story’, because by now, it is nothing but a story. These painful situations and interactions you may have had with parents, siblings, teachers, friends, schoolmates, etc., they are not happening right now, they are all past, all gone. As you know, life is now, not in the past, even though you still refer to the past to trying to understand the present, and that’s how you remain stuck.
And yet, as a child you may have felt that your Mom was not there for you, either because she was depressed, or mentally ill, busy fighting with your Dad, or for many other reasons. Or you may have missed your Dad because he was often away, or he yelled at you, or he was drunk, or he was extremely demanding of you….Or you may have felt put down and bullied by a sibling….You may have lived with an aunt and missed your parents…
We are not saying that you need to have been deeply traumatized in order for you to suffer. Normal life events can create lots of suffering for a child. For instance the birth of a sibling: this can be hugely scary for the child, as you may be scared to lose the love of your mother, because she now loves this new baby instead of you. What if your Mom doesn’t want you anymore?! That is how you were thinking as a child.
STEP 2: WHAT’S THE MEANING YOU GAVE TO THE EVENTS?
The child always interprets events and situations in a subjective manner, meaning, it believes that things are ‘bad’ because she/he is bad.
In other words: If you were yelled at by your parent, each time that happened, you gave it the meaning that you were bad, unlovable, not enough, not good enough, lacking, etc. This is what you did in all painful/scary/unpleasant situations that happened to you. For instance, you may have felt that you could not really connect to your Mom, and this nagging pain and feeling of you missing something, you unconsciously it as there being something wrong with ‘you’ – there was no understanding that your Mom couldn’t connect with you because of ‘herself’, because of her own problems, and not because of you.
All these negative self-beliefs create very strong emotions of pain, rage, anger, frustration, hatred, shame, embarrassment, etc., and most of the time, you are not aware of these feelings at all. It would be so intense, so unbearable to feel these feelings, and they seem so completely unacceptable to you, that you choose to get away from this pain at all cost.
The way you attempt to avoid feeling these negative beliefs and feelings creates the story of your life. We each use several strategies, to make sure we’ll never ever have to feel this pain and guilt and shame again.
This will be STEP 3: HOW DO YOU LIVE?
Stay tuned for the second part of the 4 Steps to freedom to be your true self.