__I choose and make decisions for me.
__I am sensitive and caring with my honesty.
__I am direct.
__I am self-respecting, self-expressive and straightforward.
__I convert win-lose situations to win-win ones.
__I am willing to compromise and negotiate.
__I feel confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, and valued. Later I may feel a sense of accomplishment.
__Others feel valued and respected.
__Others view me with respect, trust and understand where I stand.
__The outcome is determined by above-board negotiation. My rights and others are respected.
__My underlying belief is that I have a responsibility to protect my own rights. I respect others, but not necessarily their behavior.
Now go back and tally up the results for each section. The section that has the most marked/circled items is your primary communication style.
Section A is passive communication. Section B is passive-aggressive communication. Section C is aggressive communication. Section D is assertive communication. The great news is that everyone can become more assertive in their communication style. The first way you do this is to own your own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Moment to moment, choose to act with kindness and the belief that you are responsible for interacting with tact and being non-judgmental in order to respect yourself and o. When you operate from this premise, regardless of how the other person chooses behave, you will be set up for success because you will maintain your integrity.
Sometimes it is difficult to grasp that the only thing you can ever control is yourself. We hold onto the fear that we will be hurt if we engage with anyone who is passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive in their communication behaviors. However, the understanding that each person is only responsible for herself allows us to let go of trying to control outcomes. It enables you to stay in the present moment instead of being waylaid by lthoughts about what's happened in the past or what will happen in the future.