Are You a Good Listener?
By Lyndsay Katauskas. Posted on .
4. Filtering. You pay attention only enough to pick up on the other person's emotional state, and once you've identified that — you let your mind wander to other things. You listen to some things, and not others. Sometimes you're so good at this — that you block out anything negative or unpleasant — it's as if it never happened. Kissing 101: Comfort, Compatibility & Communication
Such as: Your girlfriend calls you up because she is pissed off again that someone cut her off on the road, you ascertain she's angry, you let her rant, and think about what you are going to make for dinner. Or, your partner is talking about finances and you hear agitation in your partner's voice, so you decide to say "mm-hmm, I'm sorry" and think about when you can change the tire on your mountain bike.
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5. Judging. When you judge, you affix a negative label to something, giving enormous power to a prejudice, which causes a "knee-jerk" reaction before you have actually heard and evaluated the content of the message. As judging pertains to listening, we should only make a judgment after the facts have been heard.
For example: Someone driving a luxury car rolls down their window and asks you for money while you are pumping gas into your car. Before the window is even rolled down, you've already decided that the person is hypocritical and crazy to be peddling money. In fact, the person was asking for a few bucks so they could ... (Are you still passing judgment or listening to what the person was going to say?) Don't Let Depression Rain On Your Relationship
6. Dreaming. While you are listening half-way, you hear the person talking to you say something ... and all of a sudden you're playing flashbacks in your head that have nothing to do with the conversation. We tend to daydream when we are either bored or anxious. We all do it, but if you find yourself daydreaming a lot with specific people, it may mean you are not appreciating them, committed to the relationship, and you do not value what they have to say.
For example, your mom is talking to you about going to the doctor for her asthma. Cheese and crackers would be great to serve when the neighbors come over to carve pumpkins. And the next thing you hear your mom say is: "Thanks, honey, I always knew I could count on you to tell me what to do."
7. Identifying. You take anything and everything a person is telling you, and refer it back to what has happened to you. Whatever they are saying reminds you of something that has happened to you, you've felt, or suffered through — and you are so busy busting into the conversation to tell your own story, before they've finished, that you neglect to hear or get to know the other person better.
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For example, a co-worker is talking about his broken toe, but this reminds you of when you stubbed your toe, and then your boyfriend stepped on it, and then your dog sat on it ... Bored In Bed? 3 Ways To Spice Up Your Relationship
