Hint: no corny pick up lines.
One-liners may initially get a woman’s attention; however, what are you doing to keep the conversation going?
I often get asked by my male clients how they can get more dates. I often ask why first. Why do you want to date women? If you’re just focused on numbers or sex, then you’re not going to get many numbers, or go on many second dates.
If you're stuck in the online dating world and don't know how to get past the first face-to-face, these tips will help you too.
Below are 5 tips on how to talk to women more easily if the fear of approaching one makes you tongue-tied after hello.
1. Focus on her, not you.
Don’t let anxieties of being shot down or approaching a woman turn you off from talking to a woman. If she chooses not to respond to you, it is not about you. It’s about her. She probably isn't looking for anyone, has her own insecurities, or is not interested.
If you are focusing on what you’re going to say next or the thoughts in your head, she will pick up on the fact that she does not have 100% of your attention. Why? You’re too focused on yourself.
Bottom line, if you’re both listening to your own thoughts or you get distracted by something else, then you aren’t having a conversation with someone else in the first place!
The mere thought of having to initiate conversation with other people, let alone a woman, is draining, intimidating, and daunting for introverts. This isn’t bad; it’s just the way it is. Just remember, half of the population are introverts, so it can be equally hard for women to respond back. It’s doable, and is easiest to do when you are doing things that you enjoy doing.
2. Ask open-ended questions.
The difference between a close-ended question and an open-ended question is that when you ask a close-ended question the answer is either yes or no. An open-ended question uses What, When, Where, How and Why, but the purpose behind asking the questions is to illicit someone else’s opinions, thoughts, and feelings.
Before you head out the door, create a list of 5 or 10 things you can talk about—be it current events, politics, sports, or a hobby—and be open to listening and hearing differing opinions.
3. Be yourself.
We pick up on nonverbal body language faster than we register what you’re saying. This means if you are only interested in getting a number to get a date, we understand this on a visceral level, before we’ve even responded to what you’ve said.
One thing to think about is if you’re only interested in getting a number, then most women are not interested in you. We want to feel and be special. For us to give you our number or talk to you longer than 2 minutes, we need to feel a connection. Even if we’re physically attracted to you, this doesn’t mean we’re going to give you our contact information. If you’re relaxed, being honest, and genuinely interested in what we think and feel, then we may let our guard down long enough to see who you are as a person too.
4. If you do approach a woman at a bar or club, then bring a friend.
Generally speaking, when women go out to a bar or club, they are going out to have time with friends first, and maybe, just maybe talk to a guy if he shows a genuine interest in her.
We often look to our best girlfriends to give us a thumb up or down on if a guy seems like a good guy or not. Having a friend along with you decreases anxiety on both sides, because there’s more to talk about, and we don’t feel like you’re trapping or bearing down on us.
Remember, a lot of times we’re just getting together to wind down and spend time with our friends. Night life is often loud, and isn’t the best place to have conversations. Sometimes we just want to cut loose and dance, that’s all. Canvassing other people in committed relationships, I’ve found most of them met outside of the night life.
Which gets me to the next point…
5. Focus on being friends.
If you are focusing on just having a good time in the moment, then this is one way we begin to open up, and have time to decide whether or not we feel like there is chemistry between us. Asking for a friendly game of darts or pool on teams is fun, we all get to relax, and in the meantime get to know one another a little bit.
These tips come from life and professional experience. What it boils down to is whether or not you believe you can find someone compatible with you, and whether or not you have the skill set of active listening. Getting outside of your head, any insecurities, and removing listening blocks is half the battle.
If you’re really interested in finding datable women, your best bet is not a club or bar, but taking up co-ed hobbies and interests where you see the same women over and over again. This gives you time to get to know each other, develop a relationship, and to see if that friendship can turn into something much more intimate.
Ladies if you’re reading this and agree, then please share on your social networks. You may help inform your male friends on what works, and what doesn’t.