4. If you do approach a woman at a bar or club, then bring a friend.
Generally speaking, when women go out to a bar or club, they are going out to be with friends first, and maybe, just maybe talk to a guy if he shows a genuine interest in her. We often look to our best girlfriends to give us a thumb up or down on if a guy seems like a good guy or not. Having a friend along with you ratchets down anxiety on both sides, because there’s more to talk about, and we don’t feel like you’re trapping or bearing down on us.
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Remember, a lot of times we’re just getting together to wind down and spend time with our friends. Night life is often loud, and isn’t the best place to have conversations. Sometimes we just want to cut loose and dance, that’s all. Canvasing other people in committed relationships, I’ve found most of them met outside of the night life.
5. Focus on Being Friends
Which gets me to the next point…if you are focusing on just having a good time in the moment, then this is one way we begin to open up, and have time to decide whether or not we feel like there is chemistry between us. Asking for a friendly game of darts or pool on teams is fun, we all get to relax, and in the meantime get to know one another a little bit.
These tips come from life and professional experience. What it boils down to is whether or not you believe you can find someone compatible with you, and whether or not you have the skill set of active listening. Getting outside of your head, any insecurities, and removing listening blocks is half the battle, and I can help you do this, just send me a line. I know and see it work all the time. If you’re really interested in finding datable women, your best bet is not a club or bar, but taking up co-ed hobbies and interests where you see the same women over and over again. This gives you time to get to know each other, develop a relationship, and to see if that friendship can turn into something much more intimate.
I often tease my male clients that they should go to a local Zumba class—and give it at least 5 if not 10 tries before deciding if it’s for you. Anybody can find rhythm, and all of the women there will become great friends. And, who knows, maybe you’ll find a Zumba mami to date, or she knows a friend of a friend just perfect for you.
Besides being a coach with a counseling background, married to a fabulous husband (not just his six pack abs), I’m also a Zumba instructor, and believe me, it’s a great way to relax and let inhibitions go. Plus, this is a place where you’ll always be outnumbered until the other guys figure out this is where the ladies are come rain or shine! And, the hour long intermittent (like interval, but instead of fast to slow, it is fast to intermediate) cardio will do wonders for your abs, your run times, your arms and legs, as well as your self-confidence. As a former Marine Corps officer, triathlete, mountain and road cyclist…I just ran one of my fastest times without running for over 9 months!
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Ladies if you’re reading this and agree, then please share on your social networks. You may help inform your male friends on what works, and what doesn’t. Or, you may get one of the guys to your Zumba class, but if you do, then chances are he’ll start calling and texting you making a date to go to your next class!