Wishing you're Miley Cyrus or Drew Barrymore doesn't keep you from divorcing; neither does optimism.
Do you ever look at other people and wonder why some marriages work, and some just don’t work like Courtney Cox and David Arquette's? What’s the key, and where can you get one? I will let you know what the key is by the end of this article.
While bets are out on whether teen star 19-year old Miley Cyrus and her fiancé will last given her young age and maturity level, don’t let your marriage be part of the divorce statistics. What’s wrong with divorce is that you think it’s a solution and it’s the other person, not you, that caused your relationship to fizzle out.
It’s hard to stay optimistic about your own unglamorous relationship when you see another actress, Drew Barrymore, on her third marriage. What keeps going wrong? You have to start wondering if you need something more than falling crazy in love to make a marriage last. Whether you are gay or straight, in a long-term committed relationship or marriage—you can save your relationship, if you want it bad enough.
If you’ve heard yourself think or say any of the following five reasons on why you’re ready for a divorce or to call it quits, then I’d like to challenge you to rethink and fight for the longevity of a shared life together. However, if you are in a relationship where there is emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and your safety or that of your children is of concern, then by all means get out.
1. It’s Too Hard.
While mainstream media and pop culture have us believe it’s all bliss and good times…bonding two people together from two different families of origin is, well, messy. Nobody grows up with the same family situation, dynamics, or people. While we tend to attract people on our same emotional maturity level and with similar values there will always be discussions on how you’re going to make decisions as a couple that is in the best interest of your relationship together.
What you do have to be able to do is: (1) connect and (2) communicate on a daily basis. Without this coming together, and deciding which “normal” you want to adopt in your new family, there will be disagreements and fights on whose way is better. And, you can start focusing on how you’ll do things together at any stage of your relationship. If you don’t know where to start, then this is when marriage education and relationship coaching is more beneficial than therapy. It’s skills you need, not talking or rehashing issues.
2. You Have No Energy to Work “It” Out.
You believe that a relationship should be a place of comfort and joy, but your relationship lately is about schedules—yours, theirs, the kids, etc. You rarely see each other, and when you do—you argue or take out the day’s stressors on one another.
If you are both stressed out, then you have not been taking time to replenish your stress-reducing hormones. Women need oxytocin, whereas, men need testosterone. And if either of you are not ridding your body of cortisol and adrenaline from always being on the go, tending to crises, and not giving your bodies the down time it needs, then you end up stressing one another out more, because the way you reduce stress is different for men and women.
Recent research now shows just this…no wonder so many women are flocking to Zumba to nurture friendships, move their bodies, and laugh—this all produces oxytocin. It’s also why men need the time to surf the internet, sit on the couch, check sports scores…, because for men this produces testosterone and resets their ability to handle honey-do lists.
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