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People can really grow on you and it takes time for that to happen.
By April Davis — Last updated on Feb 14, 2023
There are many people who believe passion doesn't go past the "honeymoon phase," and that it only lasts for a certain amount of time. Many don't consider a passionate relationship to be a "real" relationship. Well, they're wrong.
Oftentimes, passion is mistaken for infatuation, which sizzles out. But passionate love is what keeps the relationship alive. The flame, if you will.
What is passionate love?
In social psychology, passionate love is considered "a type of love in which emotional arousal and usually sexual passion are prominent features." It is distinguishable from what is known as compassionate or companionate love, which in contrast is "characterized by strong feelings of intimacy and affection for another person rather than strong emotional arousal in the other’s presence."
Passionate love is what brings on that feeling of butterflies when your person is around, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship. It is the intense connection you feel when your partner is around, and the ache you feel when they're away. Feelings run deep and can range from exhilaration to anxiety — depending on the state of the relationship.
If you find yourself in many passionate relationships that have a tendency to burn out quickly, you may be in love with the process of falling in love — and not necessarily in love with your partner.
Slow the relationship down, be realistic, and try to fall in love with every aspect. Figure out their quirks, pet peeves, and personal opinions. Find out how they were raised and what their parents are like. See if they are truly right for you as a person and romantically compatible with you.
We should seek passionate love in our relationships. If you go on a first date with someone and it was pretty average, try meeting at least two more times before deciding that they’re not right for you.
People can really grow on you and it takes time for that to happen. Once you get to know a person, you may discover that you are really attracted to them.
That piece of relationship advice is the first step toward passion. You'll find that your passion for them derives from what you know and appreciate about them.
Take me, for example. While on our first date, I thought my husband was nice. But he was also a bit nerdy. I decided to go on a few more dates with him and, slowly, I developed an attraction for him.
The reason I fell in love with him had nothing to do with trivial aspects like physical attraction. I loved him for him. Now we're happily married and have an extremely passionate relationship.
Think about your past exes. Why didn't things work out? Was there a pattern?
Learn from your mistakes and your next relationship will be an improvement. Don’t get carried away with the first few lustful stages of the relationship and give up once that initial excitement is over. That's infatuation — and it always fades.
The intensity of the relationship will eventually fall out after a brief period of time, and you'll be left feeling empty inside. When you fall in love and really get to know your partner, you will find that time is the gateway towards a real passionate relationship.
A passionate relationship does not mean there needs to be firecrackers and excitement all of the time; it simply means keeping the fire ignited.
The key to having a passionate relationship is taking a deeper look at the little things. Take things slowly and you'll be able to gradually reach long-term relationship milestones.
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April Davis is a matchmaker and Founder of Luma Luxury Matchmaking.