Can Optimistic Or Pessimistic Thinking Kill Relationships?

Can Optimistic Or Pessimistic Thinking Kill Relationships?
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Love

In the dating world, optimism and pessimism both have a place beside you at the dinner table.

Are you the glass half-full or glass half empty type? Do you consider yourself a pessimist or an optimist? In the dating world, optimism and pessimism both have a place beside you at the dinner table. They can work with you or against you. As a matchmaker, I am often asked, "Isn’t it better to be optimistic rather than a pessimist?" The truth is, it’s best to be realistic in relationships. The glass should be neither empty nor full.

When I got married, I had a lot of friends tell me how marriages never last. The pessimists came out in full force to let me know that in the United States, 60% of marriages end in divorce. Meanwhile, on the other side of the equation, I had my optimist friends telling me about how beautiful marriage was and how it would change my life. In a sense, my marriage did change my life, but it didn’t change me. And although 60% of marriages end in divorce, I do not let a statistic define my marriage. Somewhere between the optimist and the pessimist lies the truth: marriages can be hard work, but they are awesome too! And so it goes for relationships.

Relationships, dating, marriage, all of these things take work. You have to go into a relationship with realistic expectations: what do I expect from this relationship? What can I give to the relationship? What baggage am I bringing into the relationship? The person you are dating will not complete you. Let me say that again: the person you are dating, or marrying, or engaged to, will not complete you. Your life won't be transformed the minute you get married. Your life will remain the same. Your insecurities and flaws and inner issues will remain with you and no other person can fix them for you.

It may sound pessimistic for me to say, but it's just reality. The reality is: you should never go into a relationship expecting rainbows and fairies, and a sweet Cinderella story ending. Yes, he might be prince charming but there might be times that prince charming is not so charming anymore. And there might be times that Cinderella just needs a break from the chores. The fairytales always seem to end with the prince and the princess running off and getting married. But does the happily ever after involve dishes and dirty laundry? Does the happily ever after involve jealousy and arguments? Different communication styles and exes? Money problems and in-laws? We live in the real world and real relationships come with real issues.

Instead of landing on the pessimist or optimist side of the road. Instead of thinking all relationships will fail or thinking all relationships will be a bed of roses, opt for somewhere in the middle. Some relationships fail, that’s the truth. Some relationships last until death; with love all the way through, that’s the truth. If you keep true to yourself, go into relationship with realistic expectations and put in the work, you will see why a realist always wins in the game of love.

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