Here at Lucky Bloke: the Ultimate Condom Subscription Service we know how much size really does matter.
Once upon a time there was a darling, young girl named Goldilocks and she…Oh, wait. You’ve already heard her story? Okay, that’s great. It means we can jump forward to this modern day tale featuring Goldilocks (now sexy and sassy, of course), and introducing her very thoughtful and über sexy boyfriend, Goldie-Beard.
After dating for some time, Goldie-Beard and Goldilocks wanted to take their
relationship to that next, more intimate level. Knowing that they weren't wanting a family just yet, they both agreed that condoms were a must.
Now Goldie-Beard was fairly new to condoms, and was too shy to go ask a pharmacist about them. So, he took a trip to Lucky Bloke to survey their unbelievably amazing assortment of international condoms. Now, while perusing their hip and fun interface, he started to get excited. (C'mon, who wouldn't?!)
He realized straightaway that the first thing he needed to do was choose the size condom he was looking for: (S)mall, (M)edium, or (L)arge?
At first, Goldie-Beard wanted to buy large condoms. After all, bigger is better, isn’t
it? He wanted Goldilocks to be impressed with his size, and was sure that needing large condoms would be the way to go.
But then he thought, she’s not going to be looking at the size written on the condom wrapper, she’s going to be looking at the actual condom on him. If he chooses a size too big for him, it would actually make his penis look smaller. Yikes! Plus, if the condom is too big, it could easily just slip off, and then it wouldn't be doing its job.
Then Goldie-Beard thought he’d go the opposite route. He’d buy snugger condoms, and then his penis would look like it’s about to burst out of the condom, because it’s so big! That’s a great idea, right?
Goldie-Beard got to thinking of the reality of wearing a condom that was too small for him. How would he get it on? Would it break? Would he be able to maintain his...you know? Would it be too uncomfortable? Goldie-Beard realized that if he’s uncomfortable or worrying that the condom might break, he isn't going to get a lot of pleasure out of sex, and that would totally defeat the purpose.
Finally, Goldie-Beard decided that he would buy medium condoms, and started
browsing through the selection. He couldn't believe how many options there were at LuckyBloke.com to choose from!
As he was looking through the site, Goldilocks entered the room.
“Hey, hun, whatcha doin’?” she asked.
“Looking at condoms for us,” he replied.