Why Good Old-Fashioned Courtship Might Be The Key To Finding Real Love

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lasting love
Love

And no, it's not sexist!

In almost every area of life, women have achieved and excelled in significant ways. In their careers, they work hard by putting in the time and effort to achieve significant goals. They’re promoted to positions of greater responsibility, support themselves financially, and most feel good about the progress they’ve made in their profession.   

But when it comes to finding lasting love, the opposite is still true. Many women feel disappointed and frustrated with the lack of progress — love is still complicated and elusive. 

The women’s liberation movement empowered many women to pursue men, causing a negative shift in the dynamics between men and women over time. More and more women are acting like men in their love lives. They’re initiating dates and communication, making sexual advances, and trying to make love happen. 

Since many women are pursuing men, men no longer feel the need to step up and be the man.

They can sit back, relax, and wait for women to make the first move.  

The problem is, while that may seem like a win-win for both sides, it's really deceptively liberating — both for women AND men — and it causes the inability for a woman and a masculine man to connect on a deeper level so they can have lasting love.

Here are a few reasons why women and men have a hard time connecting more deeply:

  • It can feel liberating to pursue and initiate with men. The deceptive part is when a woman acts like a man, she goes against the natural way masculine men and women are wired. It’s more natural for a masculine man to pursue a woman he’s interested in. When a woman pursues a masculine man, she is essentially saying, “I’m the leader. Follow me.” Masculine men like to lead, and if a women is leading, it causes an energy of competition instead of collaboration and connection.  
  • Men have been conditioned to believe that showing their emotions and being vulnerable is weak. So it’s in their nature to keep things more on the surface level, even with friends and family.
  • It’s a known fact that women are better equipped to cultivate deeper relationships — they’re used to sharing personal stories and having meaningful conversations with friends and family. These meaningful conversations cultivate the conditions for love to thrive. 
  • In order to help a man open up, it’s actually about how a woman is being — not what she’s doing. So when she’s in "man" mode, she’s in the "doing" mode which prevents both from connecting at a deeper level. When she’s in the "being" mode (i.e. open and receptive), she creates the space for a man to open up and share his true thoughts and feelings.  

Reversing the decline of true and lasting love.

If you’re a smart, successful woman, you may struggle with the desire to let a man do things for you and the need to prove yourself.

You may be carrying the weight of women feeling repressed for decades, feeling less than men, and having to prove you’re just as good as any man in your career. That struggle is a reflection from spending years working in patriarchal environments and learning to make masculine traits your strength.

If you relate to what I’ve just shared, chances are, you feel pulled in opposite directions — wanting a man to step up and lead, and wanting to be seen as independent and capable.     

Here’s the truth — continuing to approach love like a man will keep making love more elusive. You’ll continue feeling disappointed and frustrated about ever finding love.

The good news is you have the power to turn things around by taking the path less traveled: courtship.

But don't worry, courtship does not have to be outdated or sexist!

If you’re cringing at the thought of courtship — or if you have a preconceived notion about it, you may think of courtship as being sexist and outdated.

You may think courtship made sense during your grandparent’s era, when women had to be more passive because they weren’t able to support themselves financially. They swallowed their voice, sacrificed their happiness, and relied on a man for their well-being. 

But modern courtship, while based on an old-fashioned concept, is completely different from your grandparents' era.

It’s not at all about being passive. It’s about inspiring the right men to step up and lead.

When you’re open, friendly, and encouraging, you create the space for a man to feel safe to approach you and pursue things with you.   

If you’re silently longing for a man to step up and take the lead, consider taking the path of modern courtship. It’s empowering on multiple levels because you retain your independence and freedom while appealing to a man’s desire to be your hero.

You get to feel cherished and valued, while he feels appreciated and respected.

Modern courtship is about letting him be the man and being open and receptive to him. It’s about:

  • Letting go of instant gratification and being patient by taking the time to learn about each other.
  • Letting him do things for you while you’re responding and receiving graciously.
  • Spending time with only men who do what they say they’re going to do, treat you respectfully, and want the same kind of relationship as you do.
  • Allowing things to happen naturally instead of trying to make things happen.
  • No longer making short-term decisions thinking they’ll lead to long-term results. 
  • Sharing your true thoughts and feelings.  And as a byproduct, he feels comfortable opening up to you which leads to a stronger connection.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take the path of modern courtship.

I did — and continue to do so — and it’s positively transformed my love life.

What will you start doing to inspire more of the right men to step up? 

Janet Ong Zimmerman is the founder of Love for Successful Women. Find out if he is the one for you and subscribe to her YouTube channel.