I worked in the beauty business for 18 years and I spent my whole day, every day, talking about hair, makeup and fashion. I made my living helping women dazzle and feel their best just so they could be the prettiest girl in the room. There's no budget from the neck up – especially if you're single and ready to mingle.
Physical beauty plays a small part when it comes to attraction, but believe it or not, the energy we project actually plays the biggest part.
Energy? Interesting, but how the heck does it help me be the fiercest chic out there? The answer – the girl with the calmest and most confident energy wins!
If you've ever watched Cesar Milan and his amazing ability to work with dogs from all backgrounds, then you know that there is a "dominant pack leader". This pack leader calms a group of disruptive dogs just by being introduced to it. Cesar Milan calls this "calm, assertive energy".
If you're anything like the thousands of girls who are out on the prowl on a typical Friday night, then you're hyped up, boozed up and on the hunt for a man. The war paint is on, you mean business with those 5-inch heels, and nothing is going to stop you from turning the head of every single guy as you shake your booty to some Taylor Swift.
Sure, every guy might be looking straight at you, but are all of them going to be the ones you WANT to be looking?
When you project desperation, your power of attraction is shaky at best.
The guys might be swooning for a second – and they might not have any problem sleeping with you – but they are certainly not taking you seriously.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, but finding a man is NOT a desperate time. This type of urgency is what gets single people into trouble – it sends off a message saying "I'm not serious about this thing called love," and "I'm ready to pounce on any available guy who gives me the right look." That's not the image you want.
Calm confidence doesn't mean that you need to squelch your personality. It means that you find value in it. It doesn't mean that you quit laughing or having fun. Instead, you learn to love yourself unconditionally and wholly for who you are. Everything that you are is valuable and necessary. You play a beautiful part in the world as a whole.
When people see you trying too hard, it's a giant turn off. Guys are attracted to women who love and value themselves.
The sexiest girl in the room is ALWAYS the one with the most confidence.
Think about a beautiful piece of art or a perfect flower. It doesn't have to do anything, yet it draws attention from many admirers – the same is true when you're single and looking for love. The best thing you can do for yourself is to become the best you that you can. Be that gorgeous flower and the bees will come to you.
Dating is a hard and frustrating road when you're constantly worried that you won't find love. If you become your best self, though, it won't matter if people think you're attractive because you'll start feeling such a strong sense of self-pride that you'll no longer need that validation.
We admire in others what we admire about ourselves.
We all want love. Some people want marriage and some people just long for a companion to see movies with. Whatever form of love is right for you, it's all about seeing what you love about yourself in other people. It's what feels so good when you start dating someone – if you're feeling your best and you're confident in yourself, then someone will come along and see it in you too.
If you want to impress the suitors and draw in love, then start loving yourself with all of your heart. Say to yourself, day after day, that you are in LOVE with YOURSELF – and say it with conviction.
Being the sexiest girl in the room isn't necessarily about being the most fit, tallest or thinnest girl in the room. It's about exuding that quiet, un-needy confidence that people can feel from the moment you walk in. People will sense your energy way before they notice your beauty.
Finding value in yourself is the key to being confident, and being confident is key to being the sexiest girl in the room.
David Maestas, CPC, is a relationship coach and author of LOVEAHOLIC.