The inertia in this trap is pressure to make the relationship work,attempt to solve unsolvable problems, and fit the round peg in the square hole because breaking up and being single again is an undesired outcome.
7. Attraction Trap
Making relationship choices based on feelings of attraction. Interpreting a strong
attraction to someone as a sign that the relationship is a good choice and "meant to
be". This approach results in relationship failure when unsolvable problems surface
because you ignored the red flags while infatuated. Unconscious choices usually result in repeating unproductive past patterns. Attraction is like the radar that helps you find your target. But the Attraction Trap is blindly following this radar.
8. Love Trap
Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, and/or attachment as Love. "If
it feels good, it must be Love." "Love is all you need." "Love conquers all." You feel so in love that you believe it must be a good relationship. After the initial infatuation is gone; you spend the rest of your time together just trying to get it back.
9. Sex Trap
Focusing on the chemistry under the covers by interpreting sex as love, using sex as a kind of "compatibility test" (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good as well), or becoming emotionally attached and considering yourself in a kind of
committed relationship as soon as you have sex.
10. Rescue Trap
Hoping a relationship will solve your emotional and financial difficulties and bring you happiness and fulfillment, something like winning the lottery. You avoid taking
responsibility for your life challenges, expecting to be rescued from them. Results in desperation, neediness, and relationship failure when your problems multiply instead of disappear.
11. Co-dependent Trap
You expect someone to love you and give you what you want by giving the other person
what he/she wants. You attempt to earn love and happiness by acquiescing, giving and
helping. You really want to be in a relationship. You feel that you are not worthy as you are, and need to earn love. You pursue relationships hard because you feel incomplete when you're not in one. You want to be the hero and therefore seek someone who wants to be helped. But you learn the hard way that although it feels good to be needed, someone who needs you is not necessarily able to give you what you need. Needing to be needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person who needs you, but - as you later discover - is unable to give you what you want.
12. Entitlement Trap
Believing you deserve to be happy and get what you want in your life without effort or changes on your part. Results in relationship failure as you rely on your partner to bring happiness and fulfillment and inevitably experience disappointment. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got."
13. Virtual Reality Trap
Believing that "what you see is what you get." Making hasty long-term relationship
decisions based on short-term impressions and inferences instead of actual experience and knowledge. Getting involved in a relationship focusing on "potential,"
hoping that some things that you really need to happen will get better or change over
time. Results in seeing what you want to see, and relationship failure when later
reality doesn't match.