Nearly 20 years on, this book still holds relevance for couples all over the world as they struggle with their innate “Mars-ness and Venus-ness” and a total lack of understanding about their spouses’ need for a different language.
The 5 Love Languages is an attempt to bring man and woman closer before than ever by divining and defining their individual communication modes and preferences. Here they are in no particular order:
This language is best understood by those of a more tactile persuasion. Hugging, holding hands, caressing, kissing and massaging are just some of the ways in which this language expresses itself. For someone who was deprived of physical touch from childhood, this language is probably the loudest of all; and if they don’t get it, then it’s as good as not being loved at all.
Dr. Chapman’s interpretation of physical touch is as close as it comes to reality – babies thriving on the touch of their mothers; lovers blissfully walking hand in hand; friends horsing around with each other. In our attempt at finding a soulmate, physical touch forms a big part of the equation regarding comfort levels.
I Love You. This is a powerful affirmation that lifts even the most depressed spirit out of the depths of darkness and dismay. Dr. Chapman’s book, however, takes it several levels higher, and says that there are many more such affirmations – such as appreciation and spoken gratitude – that affirm our love for our One.
Affirmations are powerful entities that assimilate themselves into our systems so deeply that we are often awed by their results. A big soulmate secret is the fact that it is affirmations that bring us ever closer to the one we love and will cherish for the rest of our lives. Finding a soulmate, therefore, can often be the result of affirmations that seat themselves firmly within our subconscious mind.
The practice of receiving and giving gifts is typically associated with marriage and love. The “visible reminder” of the love conveyed through the gift is more important than the actual gift itself, or its monetary value. In adversity, mere physical presence can be the biggest gift of all. Gifts are a universal method of communicating love and caring.
Spending Quality Time
Just as physical presence in a time of crisis is highly valued, spending time with the one you love sends a powerful love message to the other person. Sitting in the same room and watching a movie together is NOT quality time; it is spending time paying attention to each other and devoting yourself to your One for that period of time.
Acts of Service
An act of service can be as simple as taking out the trash or helping out around the house. Many people think that they’ll be taken advantage of or that it’s too traditional a method so they just ignore the signs that this is important. However, Dr. Chapman says that if you use this to communicate with a spouse who primarily communicates using this mode, then it is as good as an aphrodisiac!