It's time to embrace your fantasies.
Do you let yourself fantasize about sex? Or do you worry that there's something "wrong" with you because of the type if things that turn you on?
Some were of usual activities, full stories, or just fleeting images, and all covered a wide variety of subjects, but, overall, the evidence was conclusive: Almost everyone of us has sexual fantasies. Which means it's entirely OK for you to enjoy your fantasies, too.
If you still struggle to let your mind wander, let me help shatter the three biggest FALSE myths that are likely holding you back from enjoying your sexual imagination:
Myth #1: Fantasizing about something means you want to do that thing in reality.
If something turns you on, it does not mean you actually want to act on those feelings, or even that it would be good for you to do so. Many things that turn us on are not practical in reality.
Most adults have fantasies about having sex with a famous person — for some, more than one famous person! The likelihood of making that fantasy a reality is not high. Likewise, many of us fantasize about people we work with, but would not risk jeopardizing our employment just to have a sexual encounter with the boss or that co-worker.
Sometimes our favorite fantasies actually lose their power if we bring them into reality. Most people have a few staple, go-to fantasies that guarantee to bring them close to orgasm. If a fantasy isn’t as exciting when you try to recreate it in "real life," then it loses its erotic power. If the fantasy has been one you've had since you were a teenager, it can feel disorienting to try it in adulthood. Sometimes it can cause you to call into question key aspects of your sexuality.
The moral of this tale: Some things should remain a fantasy. It's OK to let your mind wander without feeling obligated to act it out!
Myth #2: Fantasizing means you're unhappy with your relationship.
Fantasy offers you a place to relax, to try out ideas and to explore your sexuality safely. Most adults fantasize as much as they masturbate. In fact, sharing your fantasies with your partner is one way to fuel the fire of passion in your relationship. If you feel awkward about sharing your fantasies directly, find some erotica that tells a similar story and read it aloud to your partner. If you feel awkward reading aloud, leave the book on your pillow with the page marked for your partner to find.
Myth #3: You'll discover your 'true' sexual orientation or gender identity if you fantasize.
This is also false. Kinsey's research, as well as other later research, found that a high percentage of people have both same sex and opposite sex fantasies. Your fantasies merely offer you new avenues to explore. However, having a same-sex fantasy does not challenge your primary sexual orientation or gender orientation.
Fantasy is the place to experiment, rehearse, and explore.
Fantasy starts the fire on days when there are only embers. Fantasy supplies excitement when shared with a partner. Cherish your fantasy life and enjoy the benefits of a healthy imagination. Light your fire!
How do you feel about fantasy? How do you use it in your sexual lives? Send Dr. Lori Bisbey your responses via email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
This article was originally published at The Intimacy Coach website. Reprinted with permission from the author.