It’s just a day, right?
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Wrong. Expectations are high. Disappointments are high. Self love and appreciation seem to be at an all-time low on this one particular day of the year. Perhaps that this is why there are more relationship break-ups on this day than any other day of the year.
Why do we keep searching for happiness, joy, love and appreciation outside ourselves? Failing to grab a hold of it, we find ourselves trying even harder! The more we search elsewhere for love, the more frustration we experience.
Really, why do we place our happiness in the hands of another?
Why do we think someone else can do a better job of pleasing us than we can ourselves?
As a forgiveness teacher, I know that a fundamental key to happiness is to go with the flow of life, allowing and accepting what we experience. Yet, we try to control others to do or become what we think we want, believing that they will make us happy.
This in turn leads to a never-ending cycle of control, force, domination, manipulation, giving in and essentially dehumanizing our mates, the ones we love so much.
I am as guilty as the next person, I admit it. My husband and I now have a non-valentines holiday celebration and it ends up still being filled with expectations and pressures not to disappoint the other.
We’ve killed the romance.
It is time to get to the heart of what makes you happy. Are you ready?
1. Stop trying to control and manipulate your partner into doing or being something they are not. Accept with love what they do have to offer, see the gift in what they offer, and do not focus what you did not receive. Remember, you do have the ability to choose what you focus on.
2. If you need something specific to be happy, tell your partner clearly or get it for yourself. Do not expect someone to be a mind-reader as that is a losing proposition.
3. What makes you truly happy? Don’t spend all your time trying to make someone else happy to the point of losing site of what you want or need. For example, if a GREAT gift for you is the gift of time to lay in bed and read, don’t expect your partner to know that and don’t ask for jewelry. Instead, ask your partner to clean the house, do the dishes, watch the children, do laundry, prepare a meal, read to you, or to give you time alone in the house.
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4. Knowing what makes you happy and getting your needs met is a great Valentines Day discussion. Gary Chapman in his book “Five Languages of Love” says we all have a primary way of feeling loved. Do you feel loved by being told positive things, quality acts, spending time together, receiving gifts or by touch? A great present to yourself is to be clear and have this conversation with a current or future partner.
5. Finally, if you are not with a partner, make your own joy this day. Take the day off and do something special for yourself. If you really don’t want to be alone, find a friend or family member to hang out with, but do not sit around and mope feeling sorry for yourself! Taking charge of your own happiness is a must.