Get after it!
The days of women over 50 fading into the furnishings are over! No longer the dowdy older depressed empty nester, we are discovering a full and fabulous life after children leave home. We are climbing career ladders, we are working out at the gym, we are eating healthier than ever, and we know what we want and go after it.
Once the fear of pregnancy leaves and the menopausal hormones are under control, the world of sexual freedom is open to us. Feeling our oats, we know how to get what we want. We no longer live in fear that all men want younger women, because the truth is men want confident women — women who are smart and self-secure.
Women over 50 know who they are and, frankly, they know 50 truly is fabulous. Here are five ways to have sex after 50 with grace and beauty:
1. Show your confidence.
We over 50 know who we are. We are no longer just someone's mother or wife. We know our own values, needs and what it takes to be our best self. We know our life has a purpose. Further, we know how to get our needs met. The new 50 leaves behind the role of grandmotherly martyrdom for the worldly traveler, executive and passionate lover.
2. Flirt more often.
Married or not, it's important to feel your femininity. I believe the art of flirting is often overlooked as foreplay. Whether innocent or a prelude to a sexual encounter, feeling feminine and desirable is mandatory to freely express your sexuality.
Before you leave the house, prepare your body. Smell good, wear sexy underclothes, do your hair and makeup. When out, stand straight, look people in the eye, smile and be playful. Do what it takes to feel sexy.
3. Know your body and be able to communicate your needs.
At 20, I barely knew my own body and certainly couldn't tell a partner what I wanted. Many in their 20s and 30s are unhappy and neurotic about their bodies. After having babies, stretch marks, cellulite and after decades of pilates, yoga, cardio and weight training, we've learned our imperfections don't really matter. We've learned the truth: men just do not care! As far as they are concerned, naked is a good thing.
4. Flaunt your flexibility.
I don't mean flexibility in bed but in mind and spirit. By this age, we've seen enough of life to know our beliefs change, right/wrong thinking is not attractive and having unreasonable expectations leads to disappointment. Wisdom to know when to let little things go is very attractive to men.
We've learned the art of forgiveness and letting go. We tend to be less controlling than our 30-year-old counterpart — we've learned it's useless anyway. We know life is short and fun can be our motto.
5. Use it or lose it.
Many of us older women have been married or in long-term relationships and we know what it is like to be single. We appreciate partnerships and we appreciate our time alone. In other words, we are less needy, less desperate and more appreciative. The wisdom that comes with living through both relationships and singlehood reminds us how important it is to keep our sexuality going, whether with a partner or not.
Men and women both have physical body changes over 50. Thankfully, people are now talking about it and we share information about what works in dealing with these changes. Vibrators, lubricants, hormone replacement therapies and little pills for men all mean that our sex life can be enhanced and expanded as we age.
Yet, the greatest sexual organ we have is our brain. What we think about sex, relationships, our bodies and the choices we make in regard to our sexuality are vital.
I propose we play more and give into societal norms less as we enter our 50s. If the men you know in their 50s, 60s and 70s are too fuddy-duddy, look for some younger men. The truth is that some are bored with younger self-absorbed women their age who do not really know what they want.
The time is now, ladies. Be courageous and allow your fabulous inner goddess to shine.
Lori S. Rubenstein, JD, PCC spent 18 years as a divorce attorney-mediator, however, her passion for helping others led her down the path of divorce, relationship and forgiveness coaching. She is the author of three transformational books and has a special gift of holding sacred space for people to transcend their “stories” and step into a new, more empowering life. Contact Lori now to set up a 15-minute consultation to learn how you can start to mend your own relationship hurts