Sometimes the pain of divorce brings feelings that are unexplainable. The feelings of loss, grief and mourning take over our body, mind and spirit, leaving us lost to a tidal wave of pain. Breathing is even difficult. Frankly, divorce interferes with our plans, and we quickly learn that we were never really in control. Our lives are no longer on the trajectory we planned.
I want to share a helpful poem with you from the book "Transcending Divorce: A Guide for Personal Growth and Transformation":
You needn't search for things that were never lost.
Bury, that which has never died.
Or hunger, for what has always been with you.
Love lasts forever,
It changes form.
Divorce forces us to form a new plan. Another divorce secret is: divorce is an opportunity to heal. Divorce is a tremendous opportunity to examine your own parental issues, how they were played out in your marriage and release them back to the universe so you do not have to play it out again.
I want to give you an example of this. I was 4 years old and absolutely distraught my parents divorced. I missed my father a lot. As long as I can remember, I vowed I would never, ever divorce; my marriage was going to last!
As a child, I resented my mother for being weak, and I blamed my dad for leaving. It was all very dramatic, and the drama stuck with me for many years.
Ten years into my marriage, when I found out my husband cheated, I became my mother. I felt weak, abandoned, alone and scared. What I didn't understand right away was that I still had to heal that anger with my mother for her weakness, and the anger and hurt I had experienced with my father for abandoning me.
My divorce inspired me to face and heal my past. When I learned to forgive my ex-husband and myself, I was finally able to forgive my parents. In other words, the divorce triggered unhealed issues from childhood, which I needed to face in order to be healed completely.
Divorce gave me an opportunity to reflect back to me what was still hurting inside. I had the opportunity to deal with it and heal it. I hope you too will accept that divorce is truly a gift that keeps on giving!
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