If you woke up on January 1st and said “This is it. This is the year I find my partner!” you are not alone.
Falling in love is easy; staying in love takes work, hard work. You know this is true, because if you have ever been in love and lost that love, there is a little remembrance of that particular hurt. It’s time to release that hurt so you can make room for the new love of your life to come in.
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Here are the 10 steps (one each week) that you can take to find that special person in your life.
1. Forgive those who have hurt you in the past and forgive yourself for hurting others. It is impossible to step into any new healthy relationship holding onto emotional clutter from the past. Take an inventory of your hurts and make a decision to release them.
2. Knock down your walls. After being hurt, it is a reasonable response to erect strong walls so no one can get in and hurt you again. Strong walls are antithetical with falling in love. The truth is, while working to protect yourself from being hurt, you end up keeping out what you really want – Love.
3. Risk being vulnerable. When your walls come down, what shows up is you. Can you allow others to see you and can you give your heart to someone without knowing the outcome? Take a leap of faith here and risk it. Here is your new mantra: “I can handle whatever comes my way!”
4. Know what you are seeking. Go beyond a list of what you want in a love-partner. What is the soul of this new relationship? Write out your needs (must haves or as I like to call them, “deal-breakers”) and your wants or desires. Take some time to really envision or feel what this relationship feels like. What couples do you love and respect? Use them as role models.
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5. Clean up your own act. Are you the one who will attract the person you want in your life? Now, this is tricky, because this one-week assignment can turn into a one year assignment. You attract what you are, the energy you exude, not necessarily what you want. Be very honest here. If you attract someone from a depressed or desperate state, that is most likely who you will end up with, so choose wisely and be wise with your timing. If you are not ready, don’t force it.
6. Do your homework. Now that you have a solid vision of what this person is like, where do people like this hang out? What are their hobbies? Who among your friends knows people like this? Put the word out. If you go on-line, be clear about what you want. For example, if you are looking for someone who is Buddhist, you might choose to go to a yoga or meditation class rather than to the bar.