A 10 week plan to find love, romance, and a real partner this year!
If you woke up on January 1st and said “This is it. This is the year I find my partner!” you are not alone.
Falling in love is easy; staying in love takes work, hard work. You know this is true, because if you have ever been in love and lost that love, there is a little remembrance of that particular hurt. It’s time to release that hurt so you can make room for the new love of your life to come in.
Here are the 10 steps (one each week) that you can take to find that special person in your life.
1. Forgive those who have hurt you in the past and forgive yourself for hurting others. It is impossible to step into any new healthy relationship holding onto emotional clutter from the past. Take an inventory of your hurts and make a decision to release them.
2. Knock down your walls. After being hurt, it is a reasonable response to erect strong walls so no one can get in and hurt you again. Strong walls are antithetical with falling in love. The truth is, while working to protect yourself from being hurt, you end up keeping out what you really want – Love.
3. Risk being vulnerable. When your walls come down, what shows up is you. Can you allow others to see you and can you give your heart to someone without knowing the outcome? Take a leap of faith here and risk it. Here is your new mantra: “I can handle whatever comes my way!”
4. Know what you are seeking. Go beyond a list of what you want in a love-partner. What is the soul of this new relationship? Write out your needs (must haves or as I like to call them, “deal-breakers”) and your wants or desires. Take some time to really envision or feel what this relationship feels like. What couples do you love and respect? Use them as role models.
5. Clean up your own act. Are you the one who will attract the person you want in your life? Now, this is tricky, because this one-week assignment can turn into a one year assignment. You attract what you are, the energy you exude, not necessarily what you want. Be very honest here. If you attract someone from a depressed or desperate state, that is most likely who you will end up with, so choose wisely and be wise with your timing. If you are not ready, don’t force it.
6. Do your homework. Now that you have a solid vision of what this person is like, where do people like this hang out? What are their hobbies? Who among your friends knows people like this? Put the word out. If you go on-line, be clear about what you want. For example, if you are looking for someone who is Buddhist, you might choose to go to a yoga or meditation class rather than to the bar.
7. Sort and be willing to say “Next!” I see people who make it all the way through the first 6 steps and get stuck here. They don’t want to say “No thank you” or “This is not a fit for me.” People get stuck in a pattern of “not enough.” This shows up as there are not enough people in the world, what if this was my only chance, I should give him another chance, I’m not good enough for him/her, or my favorite, I’ll stay with him because I see his potential! Your responsibility at this stage is to sort through what will not work to find what will work. Make it easier on yourself by being willing to say “Next!”
8. Be honest. This might sound like I’m being condescending, but I am not. As a relationship coach, I’ve seen many wonderful people twisting themselves into pretzels trying to be what they think someone else wants. What you want is reasonable, and you have every right to ask for what you want. Yes, there might be compromises down the road, but at least start off saying who you are and what you want.
9. Teach others how to treat you. This goes hand in hand with number 8. You must speak your needs out loud. If someone disrespects you or demeans you, either say "Next!" or teach them from the very beginning how to meet your needs. Do not pretend to be something you are not.
10. The final and most potent step towards finding love is to give love to yourself and others. When you are living in a state of love, you attract love. Live every moment as though you might meet your mate and fall in love - any minute now! Look people in the eyes, notice them, smile, talk, flirt, laugh, giggle, and have fun with this.
Happy and positive people are more attractive. It’s true. The happier you are with yourself as a single person, the better your chances for romance. Take the time you need to get into shape. Like a marathon, you need to work slowly and build your muscles. To find love, make the decision to prepare and get ready for it by taking real action. And in the meantime, go out and do things you love to do. More than ever, take the time to meet new people and basically, have fun, laugh, and play. Before you know it, your mate will appear.
Lori S. Rubenstein, JD, PCC spent 18 years as a divorce attorney-mediator, however, her passion for helping others led her down the path of divorce, relationship and forgiveness coaching. She is the author of three transformational books and has a special gift of holding sacred space for people to transcend their “stories” and step into a new, more empowering life. Contact Lori now to set up a 15 minute consultation to learn how you can start to mend your own relationship hurts