Reflections On Dating And Selecting A Mate


Reflections On Dating And Selecting A Mate
There are so many ways to think about dating and mating; how do you want to think about it?
  • Will this be the one?
  • Each one who isn't the one, is just one more disappointment.
  • Each one brings me that much closer to the one for whom I yearn.
  • Is my yearning working against me?
  • Why does each date seem so far off the mark?
  • Maybe I should just forget about dating altogether.
  • Is it a test to find out how much I trust nature to take care of it for me?

If, in fact, I’d be better off with a mate and that such a partnership would bring forth the best in us both and the synergy of us would outperform either of us as individually - wouldn’t it make sense that I would stumble upon that other?

Isn't that how divinely intelligent nature works in the rest of the world -- order, completion, perfection? We do not have ultimate control over the natural world; we can assist it by watering and nurturing our gardens, recycling our refuse, and not burning toxic chemicals; but we cannot outdo it because nature rules the Universe, humans not so much, but how we do try!

More from YourTango: DATING - HOW TO FIND A MATE by Peggy A. Vertreace, DMin.

Nature creates without our assistance.

We can get out of her way, nurture her, appreciate her; but that’s all we can do. Railing against what nature does and does not deliver does no good.

I know this, and yet there are times I still ache for a significant other; one who has my back, I can tell all, make plans and collaborate with; someone of the opposite sex who will be my touchstone -- and yet that one special someone seems to be so elusive.


I really don’t know how it works. Nature is mysterious and miraculous. I know we humans experience whatever we think in every moment of our lives and even though  we’re not always aware of what we’re thinking, we’re still having the experience of our thinking. The 3 Principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness, perfectly explain how that works.

Perhaps our thinking is what really holds us back.

What if those of us who are single have an inner need to be single? Maybe we just are not able to acknowledge it to ourselves. Maybe we’re getting what our soul really wants. What if, right now, and throughout our single years, being a singleton has been the perfect state? What if, all we had to do was be in a state of appreciation for our current status? What if it really is that simple?

Perhaps the next time a friend or relative gives you a critical eye in regard to your single status, you can remind yourself that it is all part of the natural order of things and whatever nature delivers, you have the ability to embrace it and be grateful for it. I’m saying much more than merely -- accept what you get. I’m saying that what we get is perfectly fine -- it’s a matter of how we think about it. Why not appreciate and enjoy your single status whether it’s forever or for just one more day. We simply never know what life holds for us.

More from YourTango: Break the Dating Rules—And Win!

Remember the old song, "love the one you're with?" Maybe that holds the key. Our friends and family would benefit from our ability to exude love, too!

For more information please contact me at:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Hug Text

It’s Emotional Infidelity

12 warning signs that you may be cheating and not just friends

Computer Problems

Meeting Online: Safety Tips to Date By

Meeting online requires a little more vigilance than other types of dating.


Use Goal Setting To Get A Boyfriend

You use goal setting in your professional life, but you can also use it to find true love.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>