Let’s say Part A’s job is to help you move on from your ex. Part A’s job description might say something like, “Make sure to keep growing and learning, being the best, brightest and most confident you all the while.” Perhaps Part A came into being at a time in college under the tutelage of a great mentor, when you were forming the belief that you can do anything you set your mind to.
Then, there’s Part B with the job to keep you obsessing about your ex: “Prove lovability and acceptability, no matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes,” reads its work order. It could be that Part B came into being at a time when your younger self was watching and listening to your mother and thereby formed a belief that only pretty and nice girls get loved and paid attention to.
So, how do you shift a limiting belief and get your Parts on the same page?
Take a moment now to identify your Parts Conflict, perhaps a version of, “I want to break up with my ex, but I can’t stop drunk texting him.” Note that your Part A is responsible for what you want (to break up with your ex), and your Part B is responsible for what you can’t stop doing (drunk texting him). 10 Tips For Surviving A Breakup
Now, get your creativity in gear. Ask your Parts A and B to introduce themselves to you. Visualize them, conjure them up, anthropomorphize them if need be. Most Parts show up easily and obviously, if not comically. However, sometimes Parts are worried about being terribly unpopular with the boss (you) and may try to hide out and slink off.
If you have some reluctant Parts, remind them that you know there are no bad or evil Parts; they all have a positive intention for you. You can add that no Part ever gets fired, but promotions are available. You can also throw in the good news that you know there is a difference between their underlying positive intention for you and the way they’ve been carrying that intention out. It may help to picture each Part pulling up a chair around a meeting table, ready to hold forth.
Then, ask Part A and B to pull out their original job descriptions and to read them to you. They often begin with, “Make sure that…” If you need to, ask them what their underlying intention is for you; it’s often some version of making sure you are loved, safe and secure, that you belong or are your best, brightest self. As wacky as it may seem, as you chat with your Parts, make sure it isn’t you speaking, that it’s the Parts. You’ll get more accurate, if not more surprising information, if you don’t cheat and you let your Parts pipe up for themselves.
Once you’ve got a lay of the land in Partsville, ask your Parts A and B three really important questions. Firstly, ask each Part how it can still carry out its original positive intention for you, but perhaps this time go about its job in new and different ways than it had been doing. Then, ask your Parts how they can work together to get you what you truly want. Lastly, ask your Parts if they have any conditions they need met in order to both carry out their positive intentions for you and to work together.
Having a Parts Conflict isn’t a problem in and of itself; it’s an oxymoronic marker of many a human journey. However, getting your Parts playing for the same team (yours) is certainly a sweet relief for said human being (you).
Break Up With Your Ex Day is February 13. Find out more at breakupwithyourex.com!
LiYana Silver, CHC, RYT, MaNLP, has been called many names: “A relationship magician,” "The archangel of intimacy, love, sensuality and evolution," "...witty and wise..." "... a bright light on The Path..." “A gifted teacher, coach and relationship expert with a huge heart and an obvious commitment to making a difference in this world by supporting more loving, healthy and fulfilling relationships. “ She’s also been called a relationship expert, master coach and advocate for switched-on women world-wide.
LiYana maintains a private practice, speaks nationally, has appeared on dozens of radio and TV shows, maintains her website and business, http://www.love3point0.com (‘cuz 1.0 and 2.0 aren't working so well) and writes for various magazines and blogs — including YourTango.com.