Appreciation is a vital nutrient for men, like Vitamin C is to prevent rickets. If they are not able to get this vital nutrient from and with you, (emotional appreciation), they find a place or person they can get their Vitamin C from. This could be from long hours at work, hanging out with his buddies, ignoring you, or another woman. Against Cheating: A Man's Perspective
I've noticed that the tendency can be to dismiss appreciation as painting on a saccharine smile and pretending to like something you actually don't. That's not what I mean. The power of appreciation is deceptively simple. Maybe you've heard the saying, "What you put your attention on, you get more of."
Put your attention on and point out what sucks — about him, life, the relationship, you — and you get more suckiness. Put your attention on and point out what you appreciate, enjoy, is satisfying, and fun for you, that is what you get more of.
You probably don't set out to make your man feel like a loser. I get that there are things that suck, go wrong, and are painful that you really want to change and make better. Most of us think that if something needs changing, is wrong and needs to be better, the thing to do is point it out! Focus on it! Make sure he knows! Unfortunately, this backfires big time, every time.
The remedy? Start making steady deposits into his Emotional Appreciation Bank Account:
1. Get centered and connect to a genuine, authentic place in you.
2. Put your attention on what you can find that is good, right, delicious, fun, satisfying, pleasurable, moving, humorous, or inspiring, etc. about something he said, did, or expressed, and speak that. How To Become A Better Listener
So, how many deposits into his appreciation bank account? Try for at least 1 a day. Or, if that's easy for you, try for 5-10 a day. As an expert in what I call "Man Whispering," I've trained myself to appreciate first, give feedback second. Weigh heavily with appreciation, so his appreciation bank account is full before bringing up something hard. A good guideline is around five appreciations for every request you make.
This works not only with partners and lovers, but with colleague, brothers, fathers and sons. But it has to be real for you. If you're faking it, he'll be able to tell and it won't land. It will bounce off, like a bounced check!
What did he do or say or express that you feel grateful for? What's something he provided or made possible for you? What did he contribute — a thought, opinion, a piece of wit that you can appreciate? Is there an attribute of his — physical, spiritual, emotional, economic that you can express, and have it come out of your mouth in his direction? 6 Unique Holiday Gift Ideas For Your Partner