This one's for a guy's eyes, but women , you're more than welcome to be a fly on the wall. It is perhaps a good spot to inhabit while taking a fresh look at the confusing, confronting topic of men and their porn habits! /node/59504 While most of my work as a Relationship Expert and Coach is about preventative measures, I’m simultaneously a pragmatist. There are fairly easy ways to prevent the unhealthy (but too often inevitable) issues that plague relationships such as dismal communication, habits hidden from our partners, discomfort with intimacy and lack-luster sex – just like there are fairly easy ways to prevent unhealthy (but too often inevitable) issues that plague our health , like weight-gain, lethargy, crappy food choices and chronic illnesses. As a pragmatist, however, I take just as much stock in the ways things are as in the way they should or could be. I take just as much stock in actual behaviors as the ways we should or could behave. The pragmatist part of me knows that about eighty percent of men watch porn. These are well-meaning, emotionally aware, intelligent, all around good guys we are talking about here. For whatever reasons (which I’ll touch on briefly later, compliments of my preventative part), men watch porn. Period. I link porn to junk food. It’s a far cry from a healthy meal, but just because I am using "porn" and "junk food" in the same sentence, it doesn't mean I am saying you shouldn't have any. Life is no fun without a little junk food, right? Junk food can be fun, tasty, a rush, an indulgence and a naughty pleasure. Often, junk food reminds us of our adolescence and brings us a strange form of comfort. As good as junk food may taste, you have to watch out for too much of it. It causes sluggish behavior, energy loss, weight issues, depression, and other serious diseases. A good rule to live by regarding food is to eat healthy, nutritious food ninety percent of the time so that you're healthy, happy, energized and ready for life. Ten percent of the time you can allow yourself to indulge in junk food. The same goes for porn. Porn is a lot like junk food. A little here and there is a fun, tasty naughty pleasure. It could very well remind you of your adolescence and serve as a strange form of comfort. Porn can be titillating and hot. Porn can be fun. I am not suggesting you should have none at all. I just want to draw some attention to some side effects from the over saturation of porn. Too much porn is numbing and de-sensitizing. It limits the depth of sensuality that is possible to have with another human being, and quite honestly, narrows your capacity as a great lover. The dark underbelly of porn is that it objectifies and dehumanizes women and offers a massively skewed portrayal of women’s arousal and pleasure . Porn actors aren’t choosing their roles consensually. The clip or film is a result of sex traffic. Porn has about as much to do with fabulous sex between consenting partners as a Twinkie does with a nutritious lunch. I suggest that you consider porn to be junk food, not your mainstay of sensual and sexual sustenance and nourishment. This is a task that is far from easy. Porn is hurled at you from every corner. It’s ridiculously easy to access especially through our good friend, the Internet. Most men I have asked said that they first learned about or encountered sex from pornography. Porn is where you so often get your schooling on sex and sensuality. It is what you were weaned on, and that is the steady diet incessantly tossed your way for your whole lifetime. In case you're wondering, yes, there is porn made for and by women, but in general, porn is consumed by and created for men. Porn is where too many men get their ideas on what is sexy, what is sensual, what a sexy body should look like, what’s arousing and pleasing for a partner. All too often this information is far different from a real life encounter with a real live partner. A steady diet of porn sets you up for a healthy sex life about as well as a steady diet of Big Gulps and potato chips would set you up for a healthy, sound body. Eating junk food all the time can't create a healthy, vital being. Likewise, a steady diet of porn also cannot create a healthy, vital, integrated sensual, aware human being. Just to clarify, you don't have to fully give up porn. Just consider whittling it down to ten percent of your sensual intake, as a delicious or junky indulgence. Consider devoting some of your energy to sex and sensuality in the real world, with real bodies and real beings. /node/72980 It's time to get healthy, guys. It's time to expand your sexual nutrition horizons. It’s time to ask yourself, what are your off screen turn-ons? What have you been missing that would make you a phenomenal lover? What do you have yet to learn to be fully on your game as a wonderful lover? LiYana Silver, CHC, RYT, MaNLP, has been called many names: “A relationship magician,” "The archangel of intimacy, love, sensuality and evolution," "...witty and wise..." "... a bright light on The Path..." “A gifted teacher, coach and relationship expert with a huge heart and an obvious commitment to making a difference in this world by supporting more loving, healthy and fulfilling relationships. “ She’s also been called a relationship expert, master coach and advocate for switched-on women world-wide. LiYana works with change agents and thought leaders who are rockin' making the world a better place, but whose relationships may be a tad rocky. She helps them transfer the excellence they bring to most areas of their lives onto their relationships, and trade up often a lifetime of painful patterns for partnerships that make them say, "Are you kidding me? I can't believe it's really this good! And it just keeps getting better and better!" LiYana maintains a private practice as a Relationship Coach, speaks nationally, has appeared on dozens of radio and TV shows, maintains her website and business, http://www.love3point0.com (cuz 1.0 and 2.0 aren't working so well!) and writes for various magazines and blogs — including YourTango.com!
