The Happy Woman Quotient


The Happy Woman Quotient
The All-Too-Often Missing Ingredient in an Extraordinary Relationship

Many spiritual traditions define enlightenment and spiritual ecstasy from a male perspective – so often women try to fit themselves in to a model of spirituality that is passed off as a universal model, but is more a male model. In everyday terms, it still costs more to dry-clean a blouse than a shirt, and a woman still earns about 77 cents to a man’s dollar. Two percent (count 'em - two) of women report they are pleased with their physical appearance. In many parts of the world a woman can be put to death for sex outside marriage, regardless of whether or not it was under her control. Genital mutilation (read: removal of the clitoris) is common practice in more places that you'd believe. Girl babies are still tossed aside in favor of boys. But regardless of how, why, when and from whence it sometimes adds up to be hard world for women, you need only to look around to see women drying up and gasping for air.

How then to feed and fill up a woman? Women are accustomed to being overlooked, ignored and disregarded. One simple and powerful antidote is to see us, pay attention to us and to give us your full-hearted regard. We want to be noticed not as a formula or how close we’ve come to emulating a male model of success in business, spirituality or sex, but as a unique being – a woman. This may seem overly simple, but it is the profound start to a much-needed cultural shift.


Women want to be radiant and happy, but we cannot wait around for others to catch on and start offering their high-quality attention to us. It has to start with taking personal responsibility for our own happiness. It has to start with a large dose of radical, revolutionary courage to find ourselves and lives right and good, right now, and to connect with our desires and wants.

All this, I have noticed over ten years of working with women and couples alike, takes a huge paradigm shift. It takes a level of self-awareness and understanding how you are wired and what to do with that. It takes a realization that if you feel like losing in your life, it could very well be by your compliancy. It takes the ability to communicate, to tell the truth, to be open and vulnerable. It takes the ability to know what you want, need and desire; to be OK THAT you want, need and desire; to ASK for what you want, need and desire; and to be OK GETTING what you want, need and desire! Shifting paradigms to shift painful patterns in order to become wildly happy and joyfully radiant – this is right where I always start.

Women start to fill up when we find ourselves regarded no longer as bottom-dog, second-class citizens. We start to fill up when stop fighting to get to top-dog position, but rather throw the whole hierarchical paradigm out the window with a flourish. We start to fill up when we begin to realize we no longer have to lie, cheat or manipulate to get what we want. We start to fill up when great value is placed on our happiness, by others and especially by ourselves. We start to fill up when we take on the power of our desire, as the first step in manifesting anything. Only when saturated in our own goodness and rightness can we women awaken to our very nature; only from a place of surplus can we behave with the loving kindness, compassion and radiant light that is so indicative of enlightenment.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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