And once we can say OK to something, it can become good. Or we can then free up some space to look around and find what else in us or the world is good. And then from good, things can get better and better and better.
The magical thing is to start from finding the good, right here right now. And from this heart-opening, on-your-knees, gratitude-overflowing place of what is already good, you can address what’s not working and help things to move toward better. When I work with women as well as couples, this is where we start – from what’s already good. Only from good, only from appreciating what is so – not what we wish was so – can things get better.
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This doesn't mean we ignore the impasses, the real pain. Not at all. We just start in the "right" place, which allows that seemingly elusive third option to emerge and the impasses to turn into ways through.
Any person, but especially a woman, who can find her life and self good, right now, begins the necessary process of filling up. A woman who can find her life and self good, can also relocate her desires, wants and passions, for herself, for others and for life itself, which also begins to fill her up. Full – and fulfilled – women are by nature happy and living their passionate joy.
Women are in need of nourishment, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sensually. A gratified woman is a unique and precious commodity; she is a fountain overflowing. Giving from a surplus (that is naturally created when anything is full) creates more; giving from deficit creates anger and resentment, even if you are really good at hiding it or burying it. A woman in surplus is a delight and a gift to everyone around her. A woman in deficit might just be the meanest, bleakest thing around.
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It looks a bit grim, if you look around. Most religious legacies tell us that most of our problems started with the lustful, sinful nature of Eve – and whether or not we personally agree, we have inherited a deep cultural mistrust of women’s sexuality and women’s bodies. Research indicates that between 30-50 percent of women have difficulty or never experience orgasm or satisfying sex. Sexual pleasure is largely defined as penetration, leaving out a lot of other amazing options. The standard for the quality, type and length of orgasm is usually that of a man’s. None of these “norms” of sensual fulfillment (or not) necessarily take into consideration the physiology and make-up of most women.