As we talked further about it, it turned out that my husband's biggest fear in having a child together was losing me. He could see (easier than I of course) my defaults in times of stress and overwhelm, in problem-solving and in working through impasses. When he thought through having a child, he loaded up my freaking out, getting overwhelmed, playing the victim, suffering and feeling defeated. (Sounds like a lot of fun, eh?) He loaded up losing the bright, vivacious woman and lover her cherished.
And I had to admit he was right.
I asked myself, would it be possible to celebrate, enjoy, find pleasure, have some humour while working on the bad, hard, confusing and painful stuff?
What has happened since then is amazing - a deepening of love, appreciation, a clarity around what we both fear around having a child, and what would be amazing about it. All the while a greater sense of partnership and so much more fun and enjoying each other.
The most remarkable thing is that as my husband saw the fruits of me really taking this on, he started to see that he might not lose his bright, luscious love to the inevitabilities of child-rearing. He saw that I could enjoy ourselves no matter, and that changed the tide in him. Where he was a NO to a child, he became a maybe and then a YES.
We would never have gotten to this place without the power of "getting to good." Ever. In fact, I doubt we'd be together at all.
We both pulled our sorry a.s.s.es out of "bad" and got ourselves to "good" and it keeps getting better and better and better....
These are things I've always known, but sometimes they alternate between peeping and sleeping in me, but now they are roaring and won't shut up. Thankfully.
We're officially pregnant with our first child, one who was planned, dreamed of, and who will be welcomed by two pretty large hearts who have spent four years practicing "getting to good" even when times are hard. It's a magical little world we'll be ushering our little one into.
I always say, it's not THAT there are difficult things to get through, it's HOW you get through them.
I might get this slightly wrong, but here's the essence of a great quote:
"Your enjoyment is your blessing on all creation." - Vic Baranco
So, this week:
1. Do a little inner inventory: what is your default tendency when things get hard? When you feel defeated? When a problem or impasse comes up? When you are stressed or overwhelmed?
2. Try "getting to good" first: try your version of celebrating, enjoying, finding pleasure and having some humour while working on the bad stuff.
3. Leave your first thoughts from #1 and #2 below in Comments, so we can all see how this is for you.
I promise you, this is pure life alchemy, friends.
My best to you, LiYana