Single life can make an ex seem pretty good. But is getting back together the best choice?
It's over: not only is your relationship in the rearview mirror, your breakup is settling into the dust, too. And yet here you are, thinking about your ex and wondering if you gave up too quickly. Asking yourself if it's too late to make the relationship work.
I get it. I've been there. Once upon a time — way before marriage with "The Hubs" and my brief foray as an #ImposterMom to my niece I was in the throes of my big breakup, and it was messy. I was 30, watching all of my friends settle down with amazing men and having adorable babies. And there I was, single and broken-hearted. Again.
If I had a reality series, they would have called it Loser at Love.
Things are different for me now. I never made it onto Loser at Love, but every day I talk to men and women around the world about all things love-related through my live online relationship advice TV show, GAME OVER: Street Smart Love Advice. Several times a week, someone inevitably asks whether or not they should get back together with their ex. I'll be honest: My standard response is a big, fat no.
But here's the deal: my hell, no may be your hell, yeah. And if that's the case, I want to arm you with the best advice so you can figure out exactly why you want to get back together with your ex, and how, if you're careful, it could actually turn out to be one of the best decisions you ever make.
Here are four legitimate reasons you should consider rekindling that flame — but not after careful consideration.
1. Because This Time It Could Really Work: Everything that didn't work in your relationship before, be it cheating, opposing values, dishonesty, lack of respect, different life goals, money woes, political leanings, religion, children or a pantheon of other factors should be considered. If you give it one more shot with your ex, those relationship obstacles might magically disappear and you two could make a go of the "happily ever after" thing once and for all. But you'll probably have to work on them. If you find yourself saying "maybe — just maybe — things will be different this time," you're not alone. Smart, successful, amazing individuals just like you tell themselves this all the time to reconnect with their ex. My question to you is this: Is your ex saying the same thing? Are you in agreement about what things need to change in the relationship before you give it another go? (Because some things should definitely change). If the answer's yes, Game ON. If the answer's I don't know or no, Game OVER.
2. Because You've Worked On Improving Yourself: In the wrong relationship, we don't tend to work on ourselves — there's no time! Instead, you spend your days riding the rollercoaster of emotional drama or stuck in the rock-bottom of mediocrity. There's freedom there: you don't have to take responsibility for yourself or your life. You don't have to follow your dreams or evolve into the amazing human being you know deep down you're meant to become. That's the beauty of going back to your ex: None of that tricky, elusive and painful personal growth. But what if (and I'm just playing devil's advocate here) what if you did decide to grow? What if you gave yourself permission to become your best self? Would your ex be capable of celebrating, supporting, and nurturing that version of you? Would he have grown as well? Think about it this way: in the wrong relationship, you don't get to be who you know you're meant to become. In the right one, you are seen, celebrated, loved, accepted and supported for becoming just that. So right about now, are you saying Game ON or Game OVER to giving your ex another go? Keep reading...
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