If He’s Not The One, Who Is?


If He’s Not The One, Who Is?

A lot of people have been asking about what inspired my latest book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.

Here’s how it all started…


I’m single. Again. I’m 32 and single again.

There, I’d confessed my darkest sins.


I’m 32 and single again and I feel like a total failure at love.

That was the tough love truth. And it stung. The year was 2003. And
while my best friends were all settled or settling down with their
annoyingly adorable husbands, I was nowhere near the road to happily
ever after.

Was that even what I wanted anymore? Truthfully, I didn’t know. What
I did know was that while I was no longer in survival mode from my Big
Breakup with Mr. Ex, a journey I later chronicled online and in my
first book It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!,
I wasn’t exactly sure where this new destination was. Mr. Wrong was
gone. So was the soul crushing agony of getting over him. Somewhere
between our last booty call and deleting his number from my cell phone,
I was single again.

Did I feel footloose and fancy free? Sure. But with that newfound
freedom came some harsh realities. Without my breakup pain to keep me
company, I felt a little lost. Empty. Alone. I actually missed missing my ex.

And that’s not all.

If I was completely honest with myself, I was starting to feel like
a failure at love. After all, the Big Breakup wasn’t my first breakup.
It was but one of many disastrous relationships throughout my 20s and
early thirties that seemed like my very own reality show aptly titled, Loser At Love…Again! And, as if on cue, at 32 I was starting over. Yet again.

I was living alone. Again.

I was minus a Plus One at parties. Again.

I was faced with the disappointment that Mr. Wrong was not The One. Again.

That’s when the big fat fabulous truth smacked me upside my single and fabulous head.

I was free to reinvent myself. That’s when the fun really began.

When I gave myself permission to let go of any stigma I felt about being the token single girl at parties…

When I embraced the idea that my happily ever after journey might
not involve a ring, a ceremony and reception, and/or the pitter patter
of little feet (other than my two cats)…

When I woke up to the beautiful truth that because I was
single I could be selfishly indulgent, quitting my job, changing
careers, and ultimately pursuing the life I’d always dreamed of, I
realized that not only was I 32 and single — again — but I was also
ready to rock my fabulous single life, BIG TIME.

I, Lisa Steadman, would date lots of wildly exciting and different men (and I did).

I, Lisa Steadman, would live my life according to my own ever-evolving rule book (sometimes casting aside the rules altogether).

I, Lisa Steadman, would take risks, ask for what I wanted, and trust
that the universe would take care of me (99% of the time, it did).


Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lisa Steadman


Lisa Steadman

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management
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