• If your ex was a workaholic, you now know you’re now looking for someone who enjoys his job but isn’t married to it.
• If among your ex’s great qualities, he had an amazing sense of humor, you may choose to find a future partner who also has a sense of humor, but has other important qualities your ex lacked.
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• If your ex had a tumultuous relationship with his immediate family members and you’re super close to your own family, you now know the importance of finding a man who has healthy relationships with his relatives.
• If you appreciated your ex’s chivalrous nature but didn’t enjoy his chauvinistic qualities, during your dating future you may want to be on the lookout for a true gentleman who’s got a more progressive view of gender roles.
• If your ex mismanaged his finances or was up to his eyeballs in debt (regardless of how much he made), you may now realize that it’s more important to find a partner who lives well within his means than one who makes a lot of money.
In addition to getting a better idea of the kind of guy who could be right for you eventually, is it also becoming clearer that, thanks to life with your ex, you became a better woman? If so, fantastic! Silently thank Mr. Wrong for having had a positive effect on your future.
If you’re not sure how your ex affected you in ways other than the bitter variety, you may need to review your relationship with an objective eye. Chances are he contributed at least a handful of valuable life lessons. The following are just a few examples of how your ex may have helped shape you into a more amazing woman:
• Thanks to your ex’s fiscal fitness, you now have a solid financial plan for the future.
• With your ex’s encouragement, you went back to school, pursued a better job, and/or made a necessary life change that’s rocking your fab future.
• Even though he wasn’t right for you, the love, encouragement, and support you got from Mr. Ex has made you a more confident individual.
• Inspired by how “together” your ex was, you now have concrete personal and professional goals that are serving you well.
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Are you starting to see how the time you spent with your ex wasn’t a total loss? By rewriting the good from your relationship with Mr. Wrong, as well as acknowledging the not-so-good (and the downright bad and ugly stuff), you start to create a clearer vision of your fab future. And while you don’t need a new boyfriend to enjoy your life, by becoming increasingly specific about the kind of person you’re looking to attract (someone so much better suited for you), you’re able to move forward without getting sidetracked by the ghosts of your relationship past or yet another Mr. Wrong.
To celebrate the many reasons your ex wasn’t The One, pick up my book If He's Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong - and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.