Forget Revenge: Why it’s Time To Give Thanks For Your Ex

By

Forget Revenge: Why it’s Time To Give Thanks For Your Ex

• If your ex was a workaholic, you now know you’re now looking for someone who enjoys his job but isn’t married to it.

• If among your ex’s great qualities, he had an amazing sense of humor, you may choose to find a future partner who also has a sense of humor, but has other important qualities your ex lacked.

• If your ex had a tumultuous relationship with his immediate family members and you’re super close to your own family, you now know the importance of finding a man who has healthy relationships with his relatives.

• If you appreciated your ex’s chivalrous nature but didn’t enjoy his chauvinistic qualities, during your dating future you may want to be on the lookout for a true gentleman who’s got a more progressive view of gender roles.

• If your ex mismanaged his finances or was up to his eyeballs in debt (regardless of how much he made), you may now realize that it’s more important to find a partner who lives well within his means than one who makes a lot of money.

In addition to getting a better idea of the kind of guy who could be right for you eventually, is it also becoming clearer that, thanks to life with your ex, you became a better woman? If so, fantastic! Silently thank Mr. Wrong for having had a positive effect on your future.

If you’re not sure how your ex affected you in ways other than the bitter variety, you may need to review your relationship with an objective eye. Chances are he contributed at least a handful of valuable life lessons. The following are just a few examples of how your ex may have helped shape you into a more amazing woman:

• Because he was health conscious, you discovered your love for healthy eating and exercise and now look and feel fantastic.

• Thanks to your ex’s fiscal fitness, you now have a solid financial plan for the future.

• With your ex’s encouragement, you went back to school, pursued a better job, and/or made a necessary life change that’s rocking your fab future.

• Even though he wasn’t right for you, the love, encouragement, and support you got from Mr. Ex has made you a more confident individual.

• Inspired by how “together” your ex was, you now have concrete personal and professional goals that are serving you well.

Are you starting to see how the time you spent with your ex wasn’t a total loss? By rewriting the good from your relationship with Mr. Wrong, as well as acknowledging the not-so-good (and the downright bad and ugly stuff), you start to create a clearer vision of your fab future. And while you don’t need a new boyfriend to enjoy your life, by becoming increasingly specific about the kind of person you’re looking to attract (someone so much better suited for you), you’re able to move forward without getting sidetracked by the ghosts of your relationship past or yet another Mr. Wrong.

To celebrate the many reasons your ex wasn’t The One, pick up my book If He's Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong - and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lisa Steadman

Author

Lisa Steadman

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Lisa Steadman:

I Am Jealous Of My Husband's Love For A (Much) Younger Lady

By

My worst fear has been realized. My husband has fallen in love with another female. Life, as I know it, is over. Just as I expected, the other woman is younger than I and cuter than I. Surprisingly enough, she, like me, has thick thighs and a round booty. However, unlike my ever expansive 40-something lower half, she's still at an age when thigh chunk ... Read more

Don't Let Money Put A Tax On Your Relationship

By

Growing up, my parents argued about money constantly. Having been raised by a single mother in extreme poverty, my father worried there was never enough. Having grown up somewhat entitled, my mother believed that as long as there were checks left in the checkbook, she had spending power. And while my family was firmly middle class, many of my childhood memories ... Read more

"The Force Wasn't With Us" — A Star Wars Breakup

By

In 2004, I launched The Breakup Chronicles because I had just had my heart smashed to smithereens for the umpteenth time and needed to figure out why I was getting love so wrong, so consistently. The common denominator was most definitely me. In writing about some of my key relationships, I needed to figure out what I did wrong, how I contributed to the demise ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.