It's time to relax and enjoy the company.
Do you find yourself replaying all your dates in your head? Do you call a friend and describing in detail the progression of the date and what was said? Ever wonder if this analysis is part of the problem of your frustrating dating experience? Are you overthinking your dating life?
When was the last time that you just relaxed on a date? Do you let the date flow, focus on enjoying the company of a man and getting to know more about him? Do you allow yourself to be natural, genuine and authentic? Do you try to only show the perfect side of yourself or do you allow the guy to see you are human by sharing some vulnerability?
If you have moved beyond the first date or two and still like each other, it might be time to consider dropping overanalyzing behavior. This habit might sabotage your experience and inner knowing. Trust your feelings about how the date went. If it feels good, keep going out!
Here are five few clues that you might be an over-thinker in dating:
1. You rehearse things to talk about before the date. You prepare topics and questions in advance.
2. You sometimes go to the restroom to regroup and think about your next move or question. You are in a state of constant strategizing.
3. When the date is over, you review it all in your head or with a friend. You quickly move into your head instead of connecting with your heart and inner knowing.
4. You count hours or days between communications. You make assumptions on this time period, which are probably inaccurate.
5. You consult your favorite book or online site for advice. You need reassurance every step of the way. (Feel free to keep coming to YourTango though!)
I like to use the word perseveration for the above behaviors. You go round and round in your head instead of connecting with your deeper knowing. You over analyze every detail, exhausting yourself.
If you find yourself doing this crazy behavior, here are five tips to break the cycle:
1. Affirm to yourself before a date that your best self will shine through and will attract the right person to you. Then just relax into the date and enjoy the experience.
2. Be confident that you are enough just as you are now. Realize you do not need to be perfect to find love.
3. Practice balance of asking questions and sharing. Get to know your date but also allow him a chance to see who you are and what makes you special.
4. Forget the rules. Follow your instincts in the moment of what to talk about or not talk about during the date.
5. Express gratitude and appreciation. Thank your date for his time and for picking up the tab if he does. Let him know you enjoyed getting to know him.
As you conclude the date, if you feel inside that you would like a second one, say so! If you feel there was no chemistry or connection, it is easier to say that at the moment of departure. Don't keep that decision hidden, wasting both his and your time. Rarely do you really need to go home and ponder this fork in the road. Get in tune with your body's signals and stay true to them.
Trust yourself in the dating process. Relax, enjoy and keep on dating as it sometimes takes a lot of dates to find that connection that makes you buzz with excitement. Most of all, have fun dating. You will likely be more successful with a good attitude and a trust in yourself to make good decisions.
If you found this article of value, it likely resonated with you. You may also enjoy "Husband Hunting: The 5 Benefits Of Dating 3 Men At The Same Time", "Dating Rules Or Common Sense? Why You Should Follow Your Instinct" and "How To Shake Off The Disappointments Of Dating Fatigue" all found on YourTango.
Let's connect on Facebook or Twitter and I'll share more healthy dating and relationship tips with you. And learn more about me and the books I have written by visiting my website: www.LisaJShultz.com.