The Healing Technique of Switching Hands
So, how can you connect with your Inner child and learn to love yourself? The most effective way I know of us by learning to communicate with it so that you can start to understand and meet its needs. In this way, you will begin heal the fears and calm the anxieties that have been sabotaging your relationships. You will want to use this technique any time you feel upset or disappointed with a date or with the dating process in general. Rather than blaming your date, calling a friend to bitch and moan, or eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, I encourage all Naked Daters to do this process instead. It will help you learn to work through your own feelings of sadness, failure and frustration so you can stay out in the dating world and find true love.
So…how does the process work?
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This process is actually quite simple. All you have to do is write: first with your dominant hand, and then switch to your non-dominant hand. You dialogue back and forth in this way, switching the pen from one hand to the other, dominant to non-dominant. Your dominant hand acts as the loving parent—or Naked Dater—and the non-dominant hand helps you access your emotional, vulnerable Inner Child. You’ll be surprised at what you learn and discover about yourself as you go through this process. What I love about writing with the non-dominant hand is that it gives us a way to have the kind of candid dialogue with ourselves that can lead us to the roots of our problems. This is so important because, if you can heal a wound at the source it can’t continue to spread.
Let’s get started. Begin by putting the pen in your non-dominant hand. How you feel? Most people report feeling awkward and insecure like they’re five-years-old and just learning to write. This is good! Writing with your non-dominant hand forces you to slow you down and makes you feel awkward and emotional, you can step outside of your rational “adult” brain for a few minutes and hear what your Inner Child has to say. When you switch the pen back and forth, you are able to access your emotional pain with the non-dominant hand, and then apply love and compassion with the dominant hand. This is how you learn to love yourself: by applying words of comfort and support to the part of you that is in emotional pain.
This exercise will help you listen to yourself in a way you never have before, to give yourself permission to feel the full depth of your emotions, and to let go of fears and behaviors that are preventing you from finding love. The goal of Naked Dating is to learn to love yourself in the face of rejection and disappointment.
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Here’s how to do it:
You’ll start by going back and forth—a minimum of four times in a single session—between your dominant and non-dominant writing hands. The dominant hand (loving adult) will start by writing a question like:
-How are you?
-What are you feeling?
-How are you feeling about the way I handled ______?
-What do you need from me?
-Why are you scared?
-What makes you happy?
-What can I do for you?