ProConnect

Dating Advice For Women: It Pays To Offer To Pay

By

Dating Advice For Women: It Pays To Offer To Pay
Should I offer to pay even on a first date?
Who should be paying for dates? You might be surprised by the answer!

We all have our fair share of questions when it comes to dating: How do you start up a conversation with the smoking hot woman you just made eye contact with? Should you text a guy to thank him for a great date? How long do you wait to invite someone you’re wildly attracted to over to your place? One of the most common questions I'm asked — and one that can be the most uncomfortable of all — is who should actually be paying for dates?

We've all been there — your head is buzzing from wine and too much forced conversation. The waiter comes and sets the bill down between the two of you and it sits there smoldering on the table like it's radioactive. You're not sure you want to see the person across from you again, but you still want to do the right thing.

More from YourTango: Want To Make Your Ex Jealous? Try An Invisible Girlfriend

If you're guy, you probably picked a place that was nice enough (and expensive enough) to impress a woman, if all went well. If you're a woman, you might assume he chose a place he could afford. Or, you might also be traditional and think that men should treat. The question is: In 2014, should men still be expected to foot the bill for dating?

Let's look at some facts. In an online study of more than 17,000 single heterosexual men and women, Janet Lieber, a Professor at California State University, Los Angeles, found that while men are covering expenses 84% of the time, 64% of them expect their partner to chip in. Guess what? 44% of the women surveyed said that they were bothered by that expectation.

Ladies, sit down and do the math! An average date cost is $75-$100, even when you decide to keep it simple with something like dinner and a movie. A movie ticket is an average of $10 a pop. Two drinks and a snack will add about $15 more to your tab. Then, there's parking (with those horrible validating machines). If you have dinner afterwards, there will be drinks, appetizers, a main course, a tip, and even more parking. If a man is dating actively, imagine how much money he is spending a month on dates — even if he's only dating you! 

Many modern women earn as much, if not more, than the men they’re dating — so why shouldn't they at least offer to contribute? Younger less traditional men will probably accept the offer and older more traditional men are likely to refuse, but they will still appreciate the gesture.

A Naked Dater® knows that offering to get the bill is a great way to really impress your date. If you go to a movie, you might offer to get the popcorn and sodas, split dinner, or put the drinks on your tab. Not only is dating extremely expensive these days, but the gesture of offering to cover even part of the tab will make you seem appreciative and thoughtful. And who wouldn’t want to be seen as considerate and generous from the very first date?

My advice? Communicate openly about paying, even on the first date. You don't have to do each other's taxes at the dinner table, but offer to split the bill or pay for valet. It's a great way to show you appreciate his generosity and it will set you apart from the pack.

Recently, my client, Emily, declined an all-too-passionate kiss from her date after their third dinner together. His response? "If you weren't gonna give me some, why did you let me pay for dinner?" Up until that moment, Emily had thought the date was going well, and she felt blindsided by his accusation. "Did I lead him on? I have no trouble paying for myself, but I've been reading all these dating books that say that the 'feminine' thing to do is to be receptive and let a man pay." There's no question that Emily’s date was out of line, but she agreed that in the future, she would offer to pay, so that there is no question in a man's mind that she isn’t trying to get something for nothing.

That is just one unfortunate situation but regardless, it's always polite to offer. He will appreciate the gesture and you will feel good knowing you're not just using him for a dinner, especially if you're not interested in more. 

To book an appointment with Lisa Shield, click here.

More from YourTango: 6 Things Women Nag About (& Why It Doesn't Get Us What We Want)

More dating tips from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lisa Shield

Relationship Coach

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC

I will show you how open your heart and attract true love with nothing to hide. To get started, go to my website and get my free ebook, "Five Simple Solutions to Turn Your Dating Around," sign up for informative newsletter, and book a free sample session today!

"Naked" Dating & Relationship Coach

(323) 939-1770

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: MA, PCC
Other Articles/News by Lisa Shield:

5 Silly Mistakes Women Make When Online Dating

By

You wouldn't believe some of the silly mistakes I see my clients make when online dating. Or, maybe you would. Maybe you're making some of these same errors yourself. Most single women are scared that they'll never find true love and that they'll wind up alone. My biggest fear was that I would find myself single with chin hairs and a houseful of ... Read more

6 Sexy Ways To Reignite Passion & Romance On Valentine's Day

By

After years of marital bliss, even the most passionate of couples can get stuck in a romantic rut. Before we know it, our careers, chores, and children have taken precedence in the relationship leaving almost no time for play. If we want romance, we actually have to schedule time for it. I know a lot of people like to get down on Valentine's Day. They think ... Read more

Want To Make Your Ex Jealous? Try An Invisible Girlfriend

By

I've finally seen it all. Have you heard of the Invisible Girlfriend app? For a monthly fee, you can create your own fictional virtual relationship…and it's enough to make Siri jealous.  This new service provides you with texts, phone calls, voicemails and will even give you a Facebook relationship with the invisible girlfriend of your ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...

shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS