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It's truly transformative.
By Lisa Lieberman-Wang — Written on May 19, 2019
It is difficult to accept anything if you are still holding on. Imagine holding a trunk full of everything that ever happened to you. Your past experiences, regrets, concerns, shame, and blame. It is so heavy that you can’t take on anything else and then you see in front of you all that you desire and want, but you don’t have a free hand to reach out to get it because you’re carrying this massive trunk that is weighing you down.
But all of the hurt and setbacks can be taken as lessons, and learning how to let go of the past is the kick you need to move on. Because when you keep on pulling this baggage, everything suffers — your job, your friendships, your relationships, and your whole life — and you're stuck, unable to discover how to be happy.
When you learn to let go, you’ll transform your life and relationships. You will feel at peace when you don’t have to drag this baggage everywhere. Take these simple steps now to move forward:
1. Practice the Serenity Prayer.
Reinhold Niebuhr wrote: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
Ask yourself: can you change it? Know that we cannot change people, places or things. Letting go of thinking you can remove the frustration and free you.
"Courage to change the things I can."
You can change your thoughts, actions, and beliefs. Change your thinking and watch how your feelings transform about yourself and others.
"And wisdom to know the difference."
What a gift to know you have a choice. You get to choose every day how you will feel. Choose wisely.
2. Remember that things will only have the meaning you give it.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," said Eleanor Roosevelt. Nothing can bother you unless you give it the power to do so. Know that there may be many incidents in your life that might have impacted you in some way, but for how long would you carry it along?
The only meaning anything has is what you give it. If you decide something was horrible, you will always go back to it that way. Instead, look for what was good about it. Was it a lesson or an incident? Did you make it small or big? It is all a choice. You get to write the story.
Learn how to let go of the past, and know that the weight will lessen when you decide to put it all down. What has happened was a thing of the past. When you stop giving it a negative meaning, you will wake up one day and see it does not anger or sadden you anymore.
3. Don't let your past define your future.
Anger and hurt actually cause more pain for the person carrying it, more than who caused it. Let go of the hurt, because it is not affecting that person, but it is affecting you. They have moved on, but you may have chosen to hold on.
Holding on to such feelings will hurt you daily. When you get rid of the pain, you can move on peacefully.
4. Remember that hurt only hurts the person carrying it.
Everyone has a chapter in their life which they do not read out aloud. It might be full of numerous things, but if you were wronged or hurt in the past or were unable to achieve something, it does not mean the past will repeat itself.
You had an experience and probably learned something out of it too. You need to understand that your past does not define you, but the choices you make right now do.
5. Learn to love yourself.
The most important relationship in your life is the one with yourself. No one else is responsible for you. You are in control of your life and you deserve better. You may have trusted the wrong people, invested too much, and ended up getting hurt, but why keep on blaming yourself? Life goes on and so should you.
Love yourself and, if you need to, forgive yourself so you live a content life. If you are having a hard time doing this on your own, reach out for help.
Lisa Lieberman-Wang is a relationship expert and creator of the neuroscience Neuro Associative Programming (NAP). If you need help finding your truth and living an authentic life, reach out to her.
This article was originally published at Fine to Fab Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.