Love Life Makeover

How To Turn Friends And Family Into Relationship Wingmen

By , ,

friends online dating together
YourTango Experts explore how a good love life wingman or wingwomen should work for you.

In the quest for romantic partnership, we all greatly benefit from supportive friends and family. Unfortunately, our support groups often mean well but their execution sabotages their good intentions. YourTango Experts explore how a good love life wingman or wingwoman should work for you. In Love? Don't Forget Your Friends

What Makes A Good Relationship "Wingperson"?
In my first year of marriage, I was at a bar with some single friends talking about relationships. I quickly realized we were in very different spaces in our lives. I knew I had to find new friends or develop the ones I already had to increase my chances of relationship success. Thus began my search for a good marriage wingman.

More from YourTango: Girlfriend Dumped You? 6 Tactful Steps To Take To Win Her Back

Here are some signs of a good wingman or woman:

  • Tell It Like It Is. A good wingman will hear you out, and then call you out when you are making excuses. You want someone who has the courage to tell you when you are right and when you are wrong.
  • Been Around The Block. Have you ever received advice from someone and thought, "That sounds good, but…take a walk in my shoes."? You want a wingman that's been around the same block you are on so they can speak from a space of experience and understanding.
  • Knows Their Role. A good wingman values their role in your life, respects boundaries, and plays their part when asked. Additionally, there can be NO romantic or sexual interest. Stay in your lane to avoid a major crash.
  • Got Your Relationship's Back. Your wingman should stand in your corner and cheer your relationship on. You want someone who will support what your relationship NEEDS vs. only what you WANT.

Ayize Ma'at, Counselor/Therapist

You may have more control in getting your "support group" on board with you than you realize. It's all about boundary setting and clear communication.

More from YourTango: Why Do My Husband And I Keep Having The Same Fight?

How to Transform Your Naysayers Into Wingmen

  • Express how it feels to receive nonsupportive and negative comments or questions from them.
  • Clarify what you need to feel supported by them.
  • Clarify the things that feel hurtful and nonsupportive.
  • With continued "naysayer" behavior after attempting the above, set firmer boundaries by increasing the distance between you and moving them to the "need to know" category. This may yield the turnaround you're hoping for.
  • If all else fails, consider giving them the boot. If you don't, it's on you.

Lisa Brookes Kift, Counselor/Therapist

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts

How To Get Back Your Ex [VIDEO]

Dr. Diana Kirschner attempts to reconcile YourTango's Love Life Makeover winner with her ex.

date

How To Start Dating Again After A Breakup [VIDEO]

Dr. Diana Kirschner helps YourTango's Love Life Makeover winner date after a breakup.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS