Anyone who’s ever spent much time around children knows that a child that has the ability to self sooth is a much nicer child to be around then a child that can’t wind themselves down from a fit. Self soothing for adults is a seriously under-valued skill. When the heat is on, it’s in every one’s best interests to take a step back, feel the anger, and then get onto the business of soothing yourself into a better feeling place, by yourself, for yourself. It’s your job to tend your own feelings anyway.
Second step, flow appreciation.
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If you can’t flow appreciation for the current target of your pissed-offedness, flow appreciation for something or someone else. The general vibe of appreciation takes the heat off of the hottest conflict. It’s a lighter place to put your attention. If you can work yourself towards flowing appreciation for the person who’s peeved you, it will go a long way toward pre-paving a much easier problem solving moment in the future.
Third step, ease into dealing with the issue.
When and only when, you are not coming at the person with a vibration of anger AND when and ONLY when you have taken responsibility for how you feel, THEN and ONLY then, proceed back to problem solving. I don’t care if it take hours or days to clean up your emotional plate. Your chances of getting what you really want are so much higher when you can deal with conflict from a positive place.
That’s right. I said you can in fact deal with conflict from a positive place. In fact, it’s the only place worth being in conflict. Let’s face it we don’t always see eye to eye and we don’t always get along perfectly. However, sliding into problem solving mode, expecting a win/win solution, feeling optimistic and curious about how it will all work out is the easiest approach.
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Curiosity is way better then anger, if you are looking to get your way.