“We need to deal with it.” He’s depressed and we really need to deal with it. He’s drinking too much and we need to get help. She has real anger issues and we need to get counseling. I don’t think so. When you are in relationship and the other partner is having some sort of a serious issue, what sucks is both partners are suffering from that serious issue. Both partners feel the effects of the depression. Both partners have to deal with the results of the drinking. Both partners are trying to manage the anger.
To say that “we have a problem” is 100% right on the mark. However, to say that “we need to deal with it”, well, not so much, at least not in the way you probably think. The only person you can get help for, is you. The only person you can be responsible for, is you. The person who might just need an intervention, is you. Coming to terms with the fact that you are singularly and solely responsible for yourself is like looking into the abyss of the unknown reality - for a minute.
Then, the lucky ones, begin to realize not only are they responsible, but they have control. They singularly possess the ultimate control to change, shape, and predict their own fate and future. When it comes to relationships where one partner needs help and refuses to get it, sometimes that means, being the brave one, the only one, to seek and get help. Sometimes it even means asking the hard questions about the future of the relationship.
Do you want to be with a partner that is stuck in their own stuff? Do you want to be free and healthy alone? Maybe not. There really are no right or wrong answers, but they are your answers to find. I personally have made the choice to stay in unhealthy relationships, becoming a victim of my own choices. Thank the God and Goddess, I have also decided to turn my back on people I professed to love to save myself from their unhealthiness. Easy, no. Worth it, indeed. So, if you have heard the words coming out of your own mouth, “we need to get help”, do yourself a favor and do just that. Get help, for yourself, by yourself, if necessary. You are the master of your own fate. You get to decide how much, how long, and how badly you want to suffer. It’s always a choice.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the Love Whisperer. She is a Law of Attraction Relationship Coach and author of The Passion Plan and Escape from Relationship Hell. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives. You can find her at her digit home, www.lisamhayes.com. Get her free audio, How to Talk to a Man, HERE.