I get very frequent emails asking how to a person might be able to
change their "beloved". How can I stop him from cheating? How can I
get him to get a job? How can I get her to stop drinking? How can I
make sure he's never abusive again? How can I get her to want to me
more? How can I make him love me more? All good questions and all are
really hard to grasp the concept that the person who is causing your
pain is not your problem. Not even a little bit. If you're in a
relationship of any kind and it's wrong, bad, or not working, I can
guarantee there is only one person who needs changing or fixing. That
person is you. This is a deal breaking concept with many
potential clients who really just want to know how to get their husband
or wife to stop being or doing whatever he or she is or is doing. That
other person's behavior - anyone else's behavior is just not your
business. If it's happening in your life, you are not just allowing
it, condoning it, or encouraging it by allowing it to continue - you
are in fact attracting it or creating it.
I totally get why
no one wants to hear that. It's a bitter pill to swallow. That said,
if you are willing to swallow it, that pill will heal your soul. It
comes down to trust. It's not about trusting him or anyone else. It's
about you trusting you. When you trust yourself enough to know that
you will take care of you AND that you will not allow yourself to be
treated in a way that disrespects you, that's when the magic happens.
That's when you are in a perfect position to have perfect relations
with all you come in contact with. This ranges from your lover to the
postman. If you totally know without a shadow of a doubt that you will
not tolerate abuse, disregard, or disdain, AND you trust yourself to
take care of you, your relationship struggles are over, for good.
you are like me, you might have a pretty shady relationship with
yourself when it comes to trusting yourself with your heart and your
own self respect. That said, in an instant, you can turn that around.
You can make yourself a solemn promise that you will no longer be
anyone's doormat. You can take one hundred percent responsibility for
how you are treated. You can learn to say no and to walk away. You
can respect yourself enough to trust yourself from this point forward.
I can think of at least twenty people who might read this and
think, "Lisa is talking about/to me. This is about that conversation
we had." Trust me. I have to have this conversation with myself
often. Sometimes daily. So, for myself, and everyone else out there
who might need a wake up call, I quietly suggest just that. Wake up.
Not in the slap in the face sense of the word, but in the enlightenment
sense of the word. It's all on you. You are responsible. Thank God
and Goddess you can be trusted.