I hear it all the time. Dating sucks. I must admit, at some point in my life, I was probably guilty of sharing that sentiment. That said, we all instinctively know, that attitude creates a self fulfilling legacy. I always tell people if you are going to date, you have to be willing to date simply for the thrill and joy of dating. You’ve got to be in a serious place of appreciation and honest excitement about the prospect of meeting and dating new people, with no agenda.
That specifically means, no agenda of finding and marrying “the one”. That agenda has a way of spinning all manner not-so-soul-mate attracting vibes. That said, one strategy I highly recommend during the dating process for bringing in “the one” is a master list of positive qualities. This means every guy or gal you go out on a date with that isn’t the one, the goal is to figure out what all of their positive qualities are that you really appreciated.
Basically you milk them for every positive quality that you can get from them and then if they aren’t the one and you move on, you move on happily, inspired by their best. Your goal with dating isn’t to qualify them for the job of your significant other. Your goal with dating is to observe and document everything super cool or even just plain pleasant thing they have going on.
By doing this, some really cool things happen.
* Because you are focused squarely on the best in others, you get more of that. People tend to show you exactly what you are looking for.
* You also tend to attract in others what you are focusing on. So, if you are focused on all the best qualities in the person you just dated, you are much more likely to attract other people into your life with those great qualities and other really cool qualities that are similar.
* You start creating a notebook of “best qualities” that starts to paint a very clear picture of your ideal future mate. Maybe the only good quality about the last guy you dated was his hair or his car.
But hey, great hair and a hot car are nice things. Put them on the list and move on. Use all your dates, great, good, or disastrous as a muse for building a better mate. And, don’t forget to document, document, document. There is something very powerful about the written list of good qualities in black and white, or Pink gel pen on parchment. This could be the most important list you ever make.
In the end, for all those you date, who aren’t “the one”, you leave them with a smile. You leave them on whatever level, in some way great or small, feeling appreciated and honored, because that was your goal when you sat down for that first cup of coffee. In the very end, when you actually meet Mr. and Ms. Right, you will recognize him or her without question. How? You will have a notebook perfectly describing all their best and most fabulous qualities.