Doctor Wayne Dyer talks a lot about freeing yourself of other people's
good, or bad opinions. I interviewed a woman a few months ago about
her Swami. One of my favorite "Swami-isms" was this. "You can free up
about 70% of your personal energy if you give up trying to be right and
let go of being liked." I talk about this a lot. I talk about it with
my friends and clients, and yes, I have an almost daily dialog with
myself on this issue also.
Recently I was involved in a
conversation where a very "well meaning" friend was telling me what
another "friend" was saying about me behind my back. When someone is
reporting to you what someone else is saying behind your back, it's
rarely the good stuff, and trust me, it wasn't. Here's the thing. I
was honestly surprised by it. I thought we were all on good footing.
I had no idea there were any problems in the friendship. I didn't know
any of that stuff was going on. Initially I felt devastated. However,
at quick second glance I came to a conclusion that set me free. What
anyone, including my friends says about me, behind my back, is none of
my damn business. If someone doesn't like me, that is also none of my
business. If someone is upset with me or disappointed in me, it's none
of my business, especially if they haven't told me! Even if someone
does tell me that they have issues with me, chances are very high, it's
still, none of my business. Whew! What a relief!!!
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I've had a
lot of clients where parents have very strong opinions about their
marriages, or failing marriages. Those opinions are probably very real
to them. They may have very strong feelings. Their thoughts may
actually be valid. That said, when talking to my clients, I assure
them that those opinions are still none of their business. No one
else's experience is. That doesn't make any experience wrong or right,
but if it's not your own experience, it's not your business. Allowing
anyone else to feel or say anything, about you, without feeling the
need to own, change, or control it, is freedom.
In my world,
I like to think all is well. That is my business. Keeping it that
way. Nothing else. Whether or not you agree, is not any of my concern!