Love is blind...?
We've all heard it. Almost all of us have experienced it. That literally blinding hormonal fog of being "in love." In it's truest sense, I'm sure that isn't really love. Whatever it is, it is blinding. Every time I'm talking to a client and they utter the words, "but, I love him..." I know there's something else underneath that. It's like, "yeah - this guy is treating me or someone else like dirt, he's being an ass, but I love him." Something uncool is going on, but that quasi-pseudo-love feeling is suppose to make all of the other uncool stuff not matter.
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If love is blind, making things dark and fuzzy, "like" is like a spot light and a magifying glass. Like is the voice of reason that usually can be heard above the drunken ramblings of love sickness if we listen. When ever a client starts with "but, I love him" with that desperate whine, I always follow up with the "like" question.
Do you like him?
Do you like what he's doing?
Do you like the way you're being treated?
If you could would you change anything about this person?
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If we can step out of the love fog and into the clarity of like, we can get some honest insight about the "beloved." Like doesn't lie. It's unemotional. It's just about preference or personal bias. If the answer is "no—I don't like it" then chances are high your love feeling is just that a feeling, not a spiritual state of being. It's a chemical combination of hormones that might be pushing you to over-ride your best judgment, a little like LSD or special mushroom tea.
So, if you've ever uttered the words, "but, I love him", especially if those words have passed your lips recently, check yourself. Ask yourself all the important like questions, and if you find yourself not liking it a lot, be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself it's not your fault you're on this chemical trip that caused you to lose your mind. Then, run.