To Give or Not to Give


To Give or Not to Give
Simple concept. If you aren’t giving from a surplus, it’s not giving.

Simple concept. If you aren’t giving from a surplus, it’s not giving. It’s sacrificing. A sacrifice has a very different energy. It’s tight, constricted, and anxious. It may be done in love, but it’s sacrifice just the same.

For women in relationships of any sort, the concepts around gifts vs. sacrifice can be muddy at best. We want to share and freely give with those we love. When we are not full up ourselves, our lovers, our children, our friends who are the objects or our affection, feel the strain of our attention.

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There is an energy in our “giving” that feels strained and flat. We’ve all been there, tired, depleted, and hungry for something. It’s desperate and lonely. Sometimes driven by that very desperation and loneliness we continue to pour ourselves out for or at the ones we love and care for.

Maybe we are hoping they will give something back, in a quiet attempt not to be depleted anymore. That said, it doesn’t work. Giving from surplus however, is a completely different animal. When we give from a surplus of energy, love, money, time, or whatever, the receiver feels blessed, not obligated. They feel the warmth of our attention vs. the cold of our depletion. It might be subtle, but it’s profound, and over the course of time that energy becomes even more powerful. Sometimes sacrifice is necessary, but if it’s not absolutely necessary it isn’t appropriate.

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Bottom line, we cannot freely give when we can’t provide it for ourselves, whatever it is. So, for all of us wanting to be truly gracious, genuinely loving, and generous, we must first extend that courtesy to ourselves.


Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the Love Whisperer. She is a Law of Attraction Relationship Coach and author of The Passion Plan and Escape from Relationship Hell. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives. You can find her at her digit home, Get her free audio, How to Talk to a Man, HERE.

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