In the last 72 hours, I've had four conversations with women trying to figure out why they can't make relationships work. Two of these lovely ladies were single and dating, one married and teetering on the edge of divorce, and one about to end a twelve month engagement. All four of these women have a lot of success to show in other areas of their lives, but have endured chronic problems with the current men in their lives and a history of rocky relationships.
All four of them have one thing in common: They all have a low level distrust for, if not outright contempt, of men. It's a crazy-making, bipolar sort of thinking. I want a man. On some level I even think I need a man. However, all men are dogs, scum, lazy, players, cheaters, angry, or something. All four of these women have a lot of evidence to support their findings. All the men in their lives are like that. Their friend's men are like that too. Quite possibly Daddy was or is also like that.
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Those four women aren't alone. A lot of women feel that way and a lot of women feel that way for what might appear to be good reasons. But here's the deal, you aren't very likely to ever have a amazing relationship with an amazing man unless you unequivocally believe men are amazing.
I recently talked to a woman who was very depressed after her twin sister's wedding. We'll call her Kate. Kate felt like her sister always got the great guys. Although she really wanted to get married, Kate hadn't ever been in a serious relationship that lasted more than six months. She said she never understood why guys were always knocking on her sister's door when she couldn't get a date. For Heaven's sake, they are twins. It didn't make sense. She wasn't imagining it either. Men are always knocking down her sister's door.
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I know why. I know her sister. I know her sister loves men. In fact, I would almost consider her boy crazy—at 32. This is a woman that loves to be in the company of men. She enjoys the way men are different from women. She's a girly girl through and through, but she basks in masculine energy. I've known her for years, and I know for a fact she dated some real duds on the way to the alter. However, she always managed to focus on the best in the men she dated, even the worst of them. She never let a bad experience with a man color her opinion of the male species in a negative way. That served her well.
If you're dating, and you aren't in it for the love of men, you might want to stop and re-examine your motives. Women date for a lot of reasons. They do it for companionship. They do it for security. They do it because they are bored. They do it for validation. They do it for sex. All of those reasons are about dating as a means of feeling better in some way. It's about getting something out of a relationship with a man. It’s outsourcing your power and your responsibility to take care of your own feel good.