Still Single? 10 Reasons You Haven't Found 'The One'

By

Single & Looking: Why You Haven't Found True Love
Wondering why you haven't met the one? You might be making these mistakes.

"Why haven't I found 'the one'?"

This is a question that I hear in my office on a pretty consistent basis.

Singles who work with me sometimes wonder what they've been doing wrong. They're confused about why love hasn't found them yet, and how they can move forward to find love now. As a matchmaker, my first job is always to get to know my client. I encourage them to open up in order to learn more about themselves and who their best match would be. We work together to discover what hasn't worked for them in the past so that we can agree on a resolution for the future.

It's important to remember that a lot of people struggle when it comes to dating, and many of their struggles are similar. Daters may think they are alone in their struggles, but all singles face obstacles at one point or another.

Here are the top 10 dating obstacles that the singles I work with face:

1. Unrealistic Expectations 
When a client shows up with a list of the 100+ extremely specific qualities (type of car someone drives, their shoe size, if they wear aftershave) that their date must have, I know we're going to have a problem. To be a successful dater, you have to be open! If you count out every person who does not measure up on paper, you are probably missing out on someone truly wonderful. Be open — you never know where or when you will meet your match.

2. Workaholic Lifestyle 
If you barely have time to eat dinner alone, how do you expect to find time to go out on a date and enjoy yourself? When someone spends more time and energy on their work than on their personal life, of course they have trouble dating. Finding a balance is key.

3. History Of Unwise Partner Choices 
One of the first conversations I have with a client is about their dating history. When each person they mention falls into a dangerous category like "bad boy" or "party girl", it's easy to see why they may have been having trouble finding a relationship that sticks.

4. Social Awkward/Shy Personality 
Many people are not comfortable in social situations, which is okay. But the only way to become more comfortable is to dive right in. You only live once!

5. Limited Access To Potential Partners 
When someone's group of friends are all married or coupled, or they have a job that requires they work from home, it poses an understandable dating challenge. This challenge also crops up among singles that live in small towns or rural areas.

6. History Of Choosing Unavailable Partners 
Constantly choosing a partner who is emotionally or physically distant makes it hard for any relationship to last. Long distance dating is not for everyone.

7. Being Stuck On The Idea Of Marriage 
Rather than going out and having fun and exploring a new date's uniqueness, this person tends to be hung up on the prospect of a potential marriage. When you spend your first date wondering if someone is marriage material, you miss your chance to get to know them. It can take time to learn if someone is really right for you.

8. Old Fashioned Dater/Out Of The Dating Loop 
This issue comes up a lot for people who are newly divorced, separated or widowed. When you've been off the dating scene for a while, it's hard to find a way back in. What worked in the past may not work now, so a new dating strategy has to be devised.

9. Hung Up On Comparing New With The Old 
It's natural to compare the new people you're dating to someone you've been with before, especially if you were with that person for a long time, and were happy. However, this comparison will only prevent you from getting to know another partner. No two people are exactly the same, and no two relationships will be, either. Often, someone new might have positive attributes you had not experienced before.

10. Overall negative outlook 
If you think you'll never find someone, you'll make that your reality. If you open your mind, heart, and eyes, there are amazing possibilities all around you! Be open and walk around with a smile; you never know where or when you will meet your match.

Whether you're coaching clients that have dating struggles, or are trying to figure out why you haven't found Mr. or Mrs. Right yourself, you may recognize or connect to one or more of these obstacles. The good news is, they can all be overcome. Next week I'll let you in on how as a matchmaker I coach clients who identify with these obstacles to be more productive daters, and successful in finding love.

(This article was first published on Pattiknows.com!) 

More Love Advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lisa Clampitt

Matchmaker

Lisa Clampitt, LMSW, CMM

President, Matchmaking Institute and VIP Life

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMSWCC, MSW
Other Articles/News by Lisa Clampitt:

6 Summer-Friendly Ways to Meet Your Next Date

By

With the arrival of nicer weather comes increased opportunity to meet new people and expand your social circle. Finding eligible singles is not as hard as most people think it is. It just takes a little extra thought and effort! Summer is the perfect time to put that effort in because there are so many more people out and about taking advantage of the nicer ... Read more

Learn To Be Your Own Matchmaker!

By

I have some big new to share with you! Patti Stanger and I are teaming up this week to teach you everything you need to know! Patti is making a special trip to NYC to lead an event that I am hosting for fabulous singles, on the evening of Thursday, July 10th starting at 5PM. This exclusive event is meant for a select few singles that are overachievers in ... Read more

How To Get A Guy To Marry You In 20 Minutes

By

To be a successful matchmaker you certainly don't have to be married or in a relationship, but it does helps if you are able to take your own advice. The advice that I have given in this column, including my recent article on mastering the art of seduction, are techniques that I have personally found success with. In fact, they worked so well for me ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB