How Many Dates Does It Take To Find The One?


How Many Dates Does It Take To Find The One?
I'm a matchmaker, not a psychic! But, I do have some important dating advice.

The first question I get asked by new clients is always, "How many dates will it take until I find the one?" Of course, I would love to answer them immediately with something super specific like, "It will take 3 days and 4 hours!" or "On your third date, you will fall in love." Unfortunately, the only actual answer I have is "I don't know."

My job as your matchmaker is to lay the groundwork and set you up for success. I will find you appropriate and exciting singles to date, coach you based on feedback from the dates, and work with you on creating successful dating habits. I cannot, however, predict upon looking at you the rate at which you will find someone who sticks. 


That's not to say I have no idea! While I might not be able to sketch out an exact timeline, I have gotten pretty good at predicting if a client will find love quickly or more slowly. I base this prediction off of the information I get through interviewing my client and learning about their history.  I have found that…

Those who find a relationship within the first few dates:

  1. Are very relationship-oriented
  2. Have a history of long-term relationships
  3. Are committed to the idea of being in love
  4. Bring openness and honesty to each date
  5. Do not judge their match based on an excessive list of must-haves and deal-breakers
  6. Those who take longer to find a committed relationship don't put effort into getting to know their date
  7. Are not truly ready to be in a relationship
  8. Are far too picky
  9. Have unrealistic goals

Those last few points are what get in people's way the most. If you enter into each date with the idea that something better is probably around the corner, you are creating a huge dating obstacle for yourself. When you date you should be looking for a partner, not perfection.  Keeping a list of 50 must-have qualities for your date puts you at a huge disadvantage. No one will ever hold up to your crazy standards. Hair color, bra size, or the kind of car someone owns are not what contribute to a lasting relationship.

You have to be ready for love in order to find love. Often people don't know they are putting up walls, or sabotaging themselves with their dating behavior. The beauty of working with a matchmaker is that we can help you pinpoint any of these issues that may be holding you back, and work through them with you. 

My advice: Don't walk into your meeting with a matchmaker demanding to know when they will find you the one. It is important that you work on yourself during the matchmaking process to ensure that when you are on a date, you are the most open and prepared you can be. This way you will recognize and appreciate a great match when they are sitting across the table from you. Only then will you be able to find the one.

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Article contributed by

Lisa Clampitt


Lisa Clampitt, LMSW, CMM

President, Matchmaking Institute and VIP Life

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMSWCC, MSW
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